Originally Posted by Joya
Why do you need to mention the lady in question? Her memories are all frought with a lot of negativity and drama right now. The bottom line is you want to offer comfort to your SiL... (Is it your Son-in-law or Sister-in-law?) By all means make a quilt or what ever you want to make. Just make sure it is offered as an object of comfort.....NOT to mention Mother...the emphasis now should be on the survivor(s)... so give your gift for his or her comfort, not with sad strings attached.
I say this from the point of view of someone who is in the middle of five generations of severe depression. It is seldom really understood by others. The deceased victim should not be blamed, but usually is.
I was raised with a mentally ill father who was in hospitals and out again. The sad fact is the drugs they gave didn't always work and I am the product of the bad side of that fact. I was mentally and physically abused by my father. He was dead 29 years before I finally realized last year it was over. I have suffered depression as well as my 3 sisters and 1 brother and my mother. We have all fought to keep it at bay. I have one daughter who is severely depressed and is seeking help for it. I don't think the fact that I was abused will ever go away but the fact that my father is dead and I now realize I never bonded with him hurts worse than the abuse ever did.
A comfort quilt would be good but not a memory quilt now. I wanted to make one from mama's many clothes but my sisters couldn't accept the fact at the time. The gave all of her clothes to charity and I missed the chance. Maybe it would be good to ask her if she would want to help you make the quilt later. You are such a caring person to do this from the heart.