I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with 'Guess' on it.
So I said 'Implants?' She hit me.
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Marriage changes passion.
Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
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Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.
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How come we choose from just two people to run for prime minister and over fifty for Miss Aust ?
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When I was young we used to go 'skinny dipping,' now I just 'chunky dunk.'
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I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!
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Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over?
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Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.
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Wouldn't you know it....
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT cells live forever.
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And remember:
Life is like a roll of toilet paper.
The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
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