Mother/daughter relationships are very complicated. I have dealt with my own issues to this day and do not think they will ever resolve.
I have learned to accept my mother for who she is. We don't discuss anything in my life except what I'm cooking and what I'm quilting. Thank God for quilting as it has allowed me to have a neutral topic and activity with my mother.
One book I read about the Mother-Daughter Dance stated the relationship was so filled with unrealistic expectations...we all want tv mom but she doesn't exist. Another issue was mirroring- our mothers see us as a reflection of themselves and their parenting skills, when we don't perform the script correctly they criticize us (while blaming themselves).
Finding a neutral base has been a life saver for me. I didn't want to sever the relationship but I also did not want to leave myself open as a target.