Originally Posted by purplemem
Mother/daughter relationships are very complicated. I have dealt with my own issues to this day and do not think they will ever resolve.
I have learned to accept my mother for who she is. We don't discuss anything in my life except what I'm cooking and what I'm quilting. Thank God for quilting as it has allowed me to have a neutral topic and activity with my mother.
One book I read about the Mother-Daughter Dance stated the relationship was so filled with unrealistic expectations...we all want tv mom but she doesn't exist. Another issue was mirroring- our mothers see us as a reflection of themselves and their parenting skills, when we don't perform the script correctly they criticize us (while blaming themselves).
Finding a neutral base has been a life saver for me. I didn't want to sever the relationship but I also did not want to leave myself open as a target.
That is really great advice.
I have had trouble with my daughters and what has been a comfort to me is that I know that my prayers have been answered and one day when I was ready to be the mother I should have always been, then he will bring me back my daughters. The oldest and I have a great relationship now and it just gets stronger day by day and the one that is in Afghanistan, I pray, will find her way back to me too.
I love my daughter that is overseas but I know that I have made lots of mistakes and she is so very much like my ex-wife and is a grudge-holder so I may have a long wait before we can reconcile.
Anyway...I will continue to pray for y'all...
Missy