Loved your post! It feels good to laugh! (Laugh with, not at!) My first quilt was a king-size quilt for my daughter. Yeah, I jumped in feet first, didn't give a thought that maybe I couldn't handle it. So, I just did it! A lady at my office gave me limited instructions. I hand pieced it and hand quilted it. What I used, and it worked fine for me, was the Q-Snap floor frame (although now I sometimes just quilt hoopless.) I used a #10 between from Wal-Mart, have no idea what brand it was. I used one of those cheapie little plastic thimbles, one size fits all, and still love them to this day! I stuck and bled, too - goes with the territory. I found some little plastic sticky things to put on the pad of your finger to protect it from sticks. Love those little things! They helped sooooo much. Bottom line is, I really didn't know what I was doing, but stuck with it until it was done. Just a bowtie pattern, nothing fancy. Used Warm & Natural cotton batting. That quilt turned out so pretty and is still one of my favorites! (Haven't made that many yet, just now working on #6.) The quilt police would probably tear it to pieces, but I, and my daughter, love that quilt. So please, don't give up! Hang in there. You'll be so glad you did. I still love to hand piece and hand quilt, and I think you will, too, because the desire is there. Good luck!