You can request minimal quilting; your quilts don't HAVE to be quilted to death. Also, I would choose batting very, very carefully. In my experience, the wrong batting will also render a quilt rather stiff.
Find a good, experienced longarmer. Go to quilt shows, shops, the fair, etc. When you see quilts that have the kind of quilting you want, write down the name of the quilter. Get referrals from your friends, local guild(s) and quilt shops. When you get a fairly consistent list, i.e. the same names keep popping up over and over, call and make an appointment to see some of her examples and discuss your wishes and concerns. A good longarmer will understand that this is a precious investment for you and will take the time to address all your questions.