Thank you for posting this. I laughed all the way through it.
If my husband were still alive he would be laughing also, especially the part about quilting being hazardous to your health. Halloween morning of 2014 I fell in my house as my BFF and I were getting ready to go, you guessed it, to the Houston Quilt Festival. One surgery, 2 metal plates, 14 screws, and months of therapy later, my broken arm is as good as it is going to get. And the worst part, she and I missed the last 2 days of Quilt Festival we had planned to go to.