My FMQ is terrible, too! I usually SID because, like you, I feel that my FMQ is ruining my quilts, however I know I won't get better if I don't go through that painful learning curve. Let me give you the most sincere "good for you" that I can for your being willing to go through that pain (which leaves you one step ahead of me).
Get yourself some quilting gloves - they make a huge difference! The Machiners gloves are good. I have some nitrile gardening gloves that are also good, but some gardening gloves aren't so great, so you might want to spring for the Machiners if you can.
Gloves are #1, but #2 is sewing surface. If you have a large, flat surface it is easier to manipulate the quilt. I've been practicing on smaller items so that I can concentrate on the FMQ design rather than on moving the bulk of the quilt around.