Oh Gywn, I wish I were closer, so I could offer a shoulder to lean or cry on. We all need that sometime, and that is what a support group provides. It may not seem like you want to find a group, but to be around others that have experienced loss just as you have, helps. Sometimes you need the support and other times you can offer support to others. Give yourself permission to grieve and please don't be afraid to ask for help...even if it is only for someone to talk to. Don't worry about moving into this phase of your life gracefully, move into it in the best way you can and that makes sense to you.
I will continue to keep you in my prayers and thoughts.