a sensitive quilt question
#123
Power Poster
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: West Roxbury, Ma
Posts: 10,353
I would make a lovely quilt from you to her and not a hint of it relating to her Mom. She will probably have a lot of emotions to sort through some which may not be very pleasant. In time you may make a memory quilt based on how you know how she feels about her mom and how she feels about the taking of her own life. If it is something that takes her a long time to really deal with then at least you made a nice momory between you and her at a time of her need.
#125
Super Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Sparta, TN
Posts: 1,211
Originally Posted by sahm4605
okay ladies, this is a very sensitive subject. My SIL's mom just passed away saturday. Not to get into the details but she took her own life. I am wanting to do something for my SIL and was thinking about making a memory quit for her. But I don't know if it is a good idea. there are many issues with their relationship, but she was her mom. Do you ladies think that it would be a good idea to make a memory quilt for my sil, even though her mom took her own life? (it was do to a life long battle of horrible depression at least that is what I have been told) I am even hesitent to ask because it is a very touchy subject for me as well as for my SIL. Do you ladies think that this is a good idea or should I not go there?
#126
I haven't read all the posts so forgive me if I'm repeating. The Memory quilts I've seen are made with some clothing of the deceased.
One of the earlier posts suggested asking for some of her clothing before it is all gone. I think this is a good idea. But wait to give it to her until she is ready for it. You could make it anytime and just put it away for the right time or put the clothing or items to use away (maybe labeled so you don't forget where they are from and purpose). If you have the items you can make it sometime. And if she never is ready for it and you don't ever give it to her, you know it was still an act of caring for her even if it remains unknown to her.
I agree that a comfort quilt-something to just give her comfort right now would be best for now.
One of the earlier posts suggested asking for some of her clothing before it is all gone. I think this is a good idea. But wait to give it to her until she is ready for it. You could make it anytime and just put it away for the right time or put the clothing or items to use away (maybe labeled so you don't forget where they are from and purpose). If you have the items you can make it sometime. And if she never is ready for it and you don't ever give it to her, you know it was still an act of caring for her even if it remains unknown to her.
I agree that a comfort quilt-something to just give her comfort right now would be best for now.
#128
I have not read all of the prior posts either, but just to put in my two cents. I would definitely make a comfort quilt only. Maybe at some later time - perhaps way later - you can offer her a memory quilt. You don't have to use her clothing - sometimes pictures are all you have and that's more than enough. Wait and talk to your brother about his wife's relationship with her mother. Sometimes memory quilts are nothing more than crying towels. They're not for everybody - if you don't already know her well enough to know about her relationship with her Mom - concentrate on her relationship with you and make something just for her and let the future take care of itself. Just my personal feelings.
#129
Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: NASHVILLE, TN
Posts: 303
I think a comfort quilt is the better plan right now. Your DH can ask for some clothing to make the memory quilt at a later date. But...I think maybe your SIL, more than anything, may need a good listener. The quilt is great but any long term illness leaves so many raw emotions. I know how I felt when my Dad died from MS. I'm sorry for your loss and I'll say a prayer for your family.
#130
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Galt, CA
Posts: 11
My neice's 20 year old daughter did this. I made a prayer shawl for my neice. Very simple. Lion Brand yarn has patterns & a great gift card to download on line. It was received warmly. I offered to make a memory quilt when my neice was ready. It's been almost 2 years now and she hasn't wanted it yet.
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