a sensitive quilt question
11-04-2010, 07:59 PM
#151
Super Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Ohio
Posts: 2,884
Originally Posted by Cheshirecatquilter
Originally Posted by sahm4605
I think that I will give my bro a call and see if he can get a couple of good pics of her for a memory quilt for maybe next Christmas. I think that a cuddle quilt will work good now. I think when I call him I will ask him what colors she likes. Or if he knows what colors her mom likes. I have a quilt top done that I wasn't sure who to give it to yet and might just use that top if he thinks she will like the colors. It is actually my avatar quilt.thank you all for the help. I will aslo see if I can get a couple of her shirts that my sil remembers most or likes and use them for the memory quilt for her. if my bro thinks it is a good idea. I just want to get something done by tomorrow night because I am leaving at around 6:30 am to drive to OK for the funeral.
11-05-2010, 02:09 AM
#152
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Born in Washington State. Been in California since 1968.
Posts: 18
Why do you need to mention the lady in question? Her memories are all frought with a lot of negativity and drama right now. The bottom line is you want to offer comfort to your SiL... (Is it your Son-in-law or Sister-in-law?) By all means make a quilt or what ever you want to make. Just make sure it is offered as an object of comfort.....NOT to mention Mother...the emphasis now should be on the survivor(s)... so give your gift for his or her comfort, not with sad strings attached.
I say this from the point of view of someone who is in the middle of five generations of severe depression. It is seldom really understood by others. The deceased victim should not be blamed, but usually is.
I say this from the point of view of someone who is in the middle of five generations of severe depression. It is seldom really understood by others. The deceased victim should not be blamed, but usually is.
11-05-2010, 03:11 AM
#153
Banned
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 7,286
Originally Posted by sahm4605
okay ladies, this is a very sensitive subject. My SIL's mom just passed away saturday. Not to get into the details but she took her own life. I am wanting to do something for my SIL and was thinking about making a memory quit for her. But I don't know if it is a good idea. there are many issues with their relationship, but she was her mom. Do you ladies think that it would be a good idea to make a memory quilt for my sil, even though her mom took her own life? (it was do to a life long battle of horrible depression at least that is what I have been told) I am even hesitent to ask because it is a very touchy subject for me as well as for my SIL. Do you ladies think that this is a good idea or should I not go there?
Unless you are absolutely confident you know exactly how your SIL felt about her mother I wouldn't even go there. You want to help, not hurt, and I think a comfort/cuddle quilt would be perfect. It says you care, without focusing on the source of the pain.
11-05-2010, 03:22 AM
#155
Junior Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Pentwater, MI
Posts: 119
Dear sahm4605, please listen to spring. Forget about the memory quilt. When a person has gone through a lifetime of agony with a mentally ill parent, no amount of time heals that wound. Don't make it worse by making something that will constantly remind her of bad times. A cuddle quilt on the other hand, will let your SIL know that she is loved and cared about now:-)
11-05-2010, 04:48 AM
#156
Super Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Snellville, Ga & Hiawassee
Posts: 1,994
Originally Posted by Sadiemae
Just my opinion, but right now I would make a comfort quilt. Later...I would consider a memory quilt.
11-05-2010, 06:23 AM
#157
Super Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Dayton, TN. but hometown is Rockford IL.
Posts: 1,407
Originally Posted by Joya
Why do you need to mention the lady in question? Her memories are all frought with a lot of negativity and drama right now. The bottom line is you want to offer comfort to your SiL... (Is it your Son-in-law or Sister-in-law?) By all means make a quilt or what ever you want to make. Just make sure it is offered as an object of comfort.....NOT to mention Mother...the emphasis now should be on the survivor(s)... so give your gift for his or her comfort, not with sad strings attached.
I say this from the point of view of someone who is in the middle of five generations of severe depression. It is seldom really understood by others. The deceased victim should not be blamed, but usually is.
I say this from the point of view of someone who is in the middle of five generations of severe depression. It is seldom really understood by others. The deceased victim should not be blamed, but usually is.
You are a very wise woman. I couldn't have said it better myself. Depression runs in my family on both mother and fathers side...I have it but learned to fight hard when the meds don't help. But I have a brother and sister that are bi-polar and on disability with it. And too, each person reacts differently with this...And however this is done about the quilt, do it with kindness. Kathy
11-05-2010, 12:10 PM
#159
Super Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Sparta, TN
Posts: 1,211
Originally Posted by Joya
Why do you need to mention the lady in question? Her memories are all frought with a lot of negativity and drama right now. The bottom line is you want to offer comfort to your SiL... (Is it your Son-in-law or Sister-in-law?) By all means make a quilt or what ever you want to make. Just make sure it is offered as an object of comfort.....NOT to mention Mother...the emphasis now should be on the survivor(s)... so give your gift for his or her comfort, not with sad strings attached.
I say this from the point of view of someone who is in the middle of five generations of severe depression. It is seldom really understood by others. The deceased victim should not be blamed, but usually is.
I say this from the point of view of someone who is in the middle of five generations of severe depression. It is seldom really understood by others. The deceased victim should not be blamed, but usually is.
A comfort quilt would be good but not a memory quilt now. I wanted to make one from mama's many clothes but my sisters couldn't accept the fact at the time. The gave all of her clothes to charity and I missed the chance. Maybe it would be good to ask her if she would want to help you make the quilt later. You are such a caring person to do this from the heart.
11-05-2010, 12:48 PM
#160
Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 357
I think you can't go wrong if you give her the quilt in your avatar for the moment.
I'd ask brother to allow you to select some things you might want to use for a memory quilt to be given later - you would know what you're looking for, it's your vision.
And maybe family memories need to be the theme, not just focusing on the mother. If the whole family is in the quilt, it's a reminder about supporting each other along the way.
JMHO
I'd ask brother to allow you to select some things you might want to use for a memory quilt to be given later - you would know what you're looking for, it's your vision.
And maybe family memories need to be the theme, not just focusing on the mother. If the whole family is in the quilt, it's a reminder about supporting each other along the way.
JMHO
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