When do you quit giving gifts to "kids"
12-24-2012, 10:08 AM
#71
Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: League City, Texas, USA
Posts: 625
I don't expect a written thank you, though that would be so very nice. But at least a call or e-mail acknowledging the gift and a thank you for thinking of me is not too much to ask. My son lives across country. Last year, I sent my son and his new wife gifts. I never heard from them until I called to be sure they were received. My son said oh yes, we got them, thanks. His wife never bothered to get on the phone and say thank you for hers. This year, I did not shop for them, but sent them $100 in their Christmas card. If I do not get a call on Christmas day with a thank you, then next year, I will just send them a Christmas card like everybody else. I basically did the same for his birthday this last year. Always sent checks and a card. Seldom ever got acknowledgement. So this year I sent a card with no money, and it was a few days late. Believe it or not, he actually called me the day after his birthday wanting to know if I was OK, because I never missed his birthday. I just told him I had been busy. That's always his excuse.
12-24-2012, 11:43 AM
#73
Super Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Illinois
Posts: 1,322
I do til 18 IF THEY ARE HERE. Then a verbal thank you is enough. IMO, no note is needed if you are face to face and I dont send them in that circumstance although it is proper to do so.
No mailing since I wasn't getting even a phone call on Christmas.
No great nieces or nephews. Enough is enough. These kids get tons.
No mailing since I wasn't getting even a phone call on Christmas.
No great nieces or nephews. Enough is enough. These kids get tons.
Last edited by seamstome; 12-24-2012 at 11:47 AM.
12-24-2012, 04:43 PM
#75
Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: N. California
Posts: 323
I don't have kids of my own but generally get Christmas gifts for nieces & nephews, but lucky to receive a Christmas card from the 'boys' much less a thank you card in return. Nieces are more likely to respond.
Stepkids (who are in mid-late 40's) have never bought their dad a gift since I've known them. But, they certainly count on gifts for annual occasions from their father, who remains way-too-nice.
What we afford are gifts of thought for nieces & nephews, not expensive but to let them know we think of them though they live far away. However, the stepkids receive generously but don't reciprocate in any form.
I heard somewhere that at some point, you give a gift to a charity and do it in honor of the 'recipient' you're acknowledging. Charities send thank you letters and gifts are put to good use. I need to remember to do this next year. As for stepkids, it's not my call, but it makes me angry they don't give something thoughtful to their dad for his birthday, Christmas or Father's Day!
Stepkids (who are in mid-late 40's) have never bought their dad a gift since I've known them. But, they certainly count on gifts for annual occasions from their father, who remains way-too-nice.
What we afford are gifts of thought for nieces & nephews, not expensive but to let them know we think of them though they live far away. However, the stepkids receive generously but don't reciprocate in any form.
I heard somewhere that at some point, you give a gift to a charity and do it in honor of the 'recipient' you're acknowledging. Charities send thank you letters and gifts are put to good use. I need to remember to do this next year. As for stepkids, it's not my call, but it makes me angry they don't give something thoughtful to their dad for his birthday, Christmas or Father's Day!
12-24-2012, 06:28 PM
#76
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 67
re: thanks
Someone (daughter in law) told the kids, when someone expects a Thnak You, they are looking for gratitude..What a shame to think that way.
12-24-2012, 07:11 PM
#77
Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 765
can't really blame the children if their parents never taught them to always send a 'thank-you'...
my neices (in their 20's now) have ALWAYS sent a brief message-some sort of note to let me know they received a gift- regardless of circumstances- they were taught as very young girls to sit down & write thank you's -- my own kids (now in their 30's- and their children---teens) always sit down & write notes of thanks-- during the quiet time after birthday parties- in the afternoon on Christmas---when ever they have a few quiet moments-
i still always set down & write a note letting people know i am thinking of them---it's all in the way a person is raised.
as for 'age to quite giving'.... i don't really think an age should have much to do with it- gifts are supposed to come from the heart- not be a commitment-unless your family draws names or has some (tradition) way to handle the adults-
in our family when the kids started having kids- the (kids) always receive a gift from anyone who can afford-wants to give one- no one is expected-forced to give gifts-
as for the adults- sometimes some of us give gifts to adults in the family- again- they are not expected- no one feels slighted if they do not get one- and someone else does- we have a large family- sometimes we get lots done & many people get gifts, sometimes time/finances restrict that- everyone works, has lives- know how things are- its a gift- not an expectation- and everyone says thank you- all that being said- my youngest son (in the navy- busy) is the worst about the thank-you's...he just seems to have other things on his mind- it does not mean we stop loving him,,or refuse to give to him...when we have sent him something & weeks go by without hearing from him we generally give him a call- & ask---did your package arrive ok---then he always says---yes- i loved it! thank you!...
giving should come from the heart- if your heart is not in it-it's meaningless- so don't bother-
we were taught to not give with expectations attached; just like giving to charity---give because the act of giving is reward enough---not the 'pat on the back from others'
my neices (in their 20's now) have ALWAYS sent a brief message-some sort of note to let me know they received a gift- regardless of circumstances- they were taught as very young girls to sit down & write thank you's -- my own kids (now in their 30's- and their children---teens) always sit down & write notes of thanks-- during the quiet time after birthday parties- in the afternoon on Christmas---when ever they have a few quiet moments-
i still always set down & write a note letting people know i am thinking of them---it's all in the way a person is raised.
as for 'age to quite giving'.... i don't really think an age should have much to do with it- gifts are supposed to come from the heart- not be a commitment-unless your family draws names or has some (tradition) way to handle the adults-
in our family when the kids started having kids- the (kids) always receive a gift from anyone who can afford-wants to give one- no one is expected-forced to give gifts-
as for the adults- sometimes some of us give gifts to adults in the family- again- they are not expected- no one feels slighted if they do not get one- and someone else does- we have a large family- sometimes we get lots done & many people get gifts, sometimes time/finances restrict that- everyone works, has lives- know how things are- its a gift- not an expectation- and everyone says thank you- all that being said- my youngest son (in the navy- busy) is the worst about the thank-you's...he just seems to have other things on his mind- it does not mean we stop loving him,,or refuse to give to him...when we have sent him something & weeks go by without hearing from him we generally give him a call- & ask---did your package arrive ok---then he always says---yes- i loved it! thank you!...
giving should come from the heart- if your heart is not in it-it's meaningless- so don't bother-
we were taught to not give with expectations attached; just like giving to charity---give because the act of giving is reward enough---not the 'pat on the back from others'
I think another thing missing is teaching children to give to others and have a heart for others' needs.
12-24-2012, 07:16 PM
#78
Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 765
How true this is, too many kids think relatives are to buy them the moon and they are disatisfied with it 5 minutes after receiving it. Children today need to think less of self and more of others, where is the love, why is it too often expressed and expected to translate into material things, toys or money? Again, there is a lack of raising children to think of others, the children are running too many homes with the parents in tow.
12-24-2012, 09:23 PM
#79
Super Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Dayton, TN. but hometown is Rockford IL.
Posts: 1,407
I have to be honest and say I really have the greatest grandkids ever! Several are 20, 2 are 19, 0ne is 21 and two 13 yr olds. And finally Mary Grace is 7. They don't expect much and still grateful enough to give me the biggest hugs! So big I can't breathe from my oldest grandsons! My grand daughters are as thankful and so sweet with the hugs. I get kisses on the cheek from the boys to where I could cry from the warmth I feel in my heart. I could get them anything from a candy bar to a $50.00 tablet and I still recieve such thanks. Not long ago I helped my grand daughter, one of the 13 yr olds to get a pair of basketball shoes for school. She was thrilled and her school won every game this season...I have to bragg and say she is one of the top players! One of our local colleges asked her to play on their ladys basketball team next year! I am truely blessed. I reckon it's because I'm the oldest of 7 kids and we all grew up with respect and learned how to be thankful for what we had which wasn't much to be honest. I just thank God for everyone of my grandchildren and 3 daughters. I couldn't ask for better.
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