Support families of deployed service members
04-18-2011, 07:53 PM
#52
Junior Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: S IL
Posts: 171
Hi
My DH was in 30 years. I've been thru so many deployments I can't even remember.
You have to melt down sometime, its normal. I also believe its ok for your child to see it. Not everyday, but some tears and a I miss Daddy moment is ok. Not to scare them. I think it allows them to share their feelings with you.
My son would say, its ok to be sad Mom, I miss Dad too.
Forgive your Mom, only those that walk the mile know what its like.
Get yourself around people in the same boat or that understand where your at. Build a network of friends that you can call or will call you.
I was never one for the family services stuff on base (after the first few deployments you get a little mean) but they should be able to help you if you need support.
If you need help reach out. These people are pro's its what they do.
Most of all its ok to cry, be angry, or however else you deal with this deployment of your loved one.
Chin up, keep plugging along.
My DH was in 30 years. I've been thru so many deployments I can't even remember.
You have to melt down sometime, its normal. I also believe its ok for your child to see it. Not everyday, but some tears and a I miss Daddy moment is ok. Not to scare them. I think it allows them to share their feelings with you.
My son would say, its ok to be sad Mom, I miss Dad too.
Forgive your Mom, only those that walk the mile know what its like.
Get yourself around people in the same boat or that understand where your at. Build a network of friends that you can call or will call you.
I was never one for the family services stuff on base (after the first few deployments you get a little mean) but they should be able to help you if you need support.
If you need help reach out. These people are pro's its what they do.
Most of all its ok to cry, be angry, or however else you deal with this deployment of your loved one.
Chin up, keep plugging along.
04-18-2011, 07:56 PM
#53
Senior Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: WV
Posts: 819
Marie, you and yours are making the sacrifice that we, on these hallowed shores, appreciate, to preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United Stares, against all enemies, foreign and domestic.
We were fortunate, my husband and I. We were both active duty, and always stationed together, or close enough that we could share a common domicile. Understanding the conditions of a possible deployment away from each other, we elected to have our military careers, instead of children. A decision we do not regret. But we had friends, and lot's of them, who were separated from their spouses with and without children, from time to time. We understood then, and we understand now. That's why I look tiredly at yellow ribbons and auto stickers. Everyone needs to support the troops through their time, talents and treasures. visit http://troopssupport.com and pick your favorite. People are there for those left behind. If the shoe fits, dry the eyes, (though tears are O.K.) and pick up the phone. Real help is near by.
We were fortunate, my husband and I. We were both active duty, and always stationed together, or close enough that we could share a common domicile. Understanding the conditions of a possible deployment away from each other, we elected to have our military careers, instead of children. A decision we do not regret. But we had friends, and lot's of them, who were separated from their spouses with and without children, from time to time. We understood then, and we understand now. That's why I look tiredly at yellow ribbons and auto stickers. Everyone needs to support the troops through their time, talents and treasures. visit http://troopssupport.com and pick your favorite. People are there for those left behind. If the shoe fits, dry the eyes, (though tears are O.K.) and pick up the phone. Real help is near by.
04-18-2011, 08:00 PM
#54
Super Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Topeka, KS
Posts: 3,813
I am so sorry that you are going through so much. My ex was not military but as soon as he went out of town, something broke. Thank you so much for being a military wife. You are a hero also just as your husband is. I am sending you hugs and praying for you.
04-18-2011, 08:14 PM
#55
Super Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,388
Thank you all again for the support. I recently changed churches, mainly because I wanted a church that had a more active Children's Ministry. We are happy at our new church, but haven't really made any new friends there. My children attend a Christian school and a few of the moms have helped me out in a pinch. I called an old friend last month when my daughter's fever had gone over 103 and asked her to watch my son while I took my daughter to Urgent Care. (She was over 105 by the time they saw her because she couldn't keep down any medicine to bring down her fever.) Thursday evening, my children will be going home with a classmate because I have parent-teacher conferences at the middle school where I teach.
It is incredibly hard to ask for help. I wasn't raised to be dependent on anyone, so it is hard to call and ask for others to help me out with my kids, especially when I am asking it for "me" time. I ask when I have an obligation that is work related, or because of an emergency and that is it.
Unfortunately, there is absolutely NO support from any military-related group or from any base support since my husband is not attached to any unit right now. That means that as far as the military is concerned, I don't exist. I think I said that in the six months he has been gone, I haven't been contacted ONCE by anyone military related to check and see if we are doing okay, even though my husband was told that I would be getting a phone call at least once a month from a family support liason.
It is incredibly hard to ask for help. I wasn't raised to be dependent on anyone, so it is hard to call and ask for others to help me out with my kids, especially when I am asking it for "me" time. I ask when I have an obligation that is work related, or because of an emergency and that is it.
Unfortunately, there is absolutely NO support from any military-related group or from any base support since my husband is not attached to any unit right now. That means that as far as the military is concerned, I don't exist. I think I said that in the six months he has been gone, I haven't been contacted ONCE by anyone military related to check and see if we are doing okay, even though my husband was told that I would be getting a phone call at least once a month from a family support liason.
04-18-2011, 08:42 PM
#58
Super Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Yorkville, IL
Posts: 7,639
PM me if I can help in any way. I wish I lived nearby. I was not a military wife but my husband traveled a lot. I am now a widow so I know what being all alone is like. It is okay to cry in front of your children..it lets them know how much you love and miss their dad. My thoughts are with you and today on the View, Mrs. Obama and Dr. Jo Biden were making a plea for people to help our military families who have given and continue to give so much. Don't call your mother any more..she is no help and just makes it worse for you. Take care of yourself..pamper yourself a bit even if it is just a bubble bath after the kids are in bed. Plan a picnic with the children, read a good book and above all, reach out to all. The quilt board is a great place to start. I am glad you did that because there are so many here that really do care. My thoughts are with you.
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