ljptexas

A RETIREE'S LAST TRIP TO PUBLIX

Yesterday I was at the Villages' (an area north of Orlando full of retirees) Publix (our large food chain in Florida) buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Owen, the Wonder Dog and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had, an elephant?

So because I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again.

I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete, (certified), so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I had stopped to pee on a fire hydrant and a car hit me. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

Publix won't let me shop there anymore.

Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the World to think of crazy things to say.

jahaper

Loved this. Thanks for the laugh.

JoyjoyMarie

Ha! Great impromptu joke. We used to try simple ones in the college dorm to trick the naive Freshmen, but I never came up with something that elaborate - there's something to be said for age and boredom, isn't there. Thanks for sharing!

stitchengramie

My lands girl. Did the lady believe you. I sure would of liked to been there and seen her face and the cashiers as well.

Jingle

That was a good one. Your mind sure isn't retired to be able to think all that up so fast. Good for you.

Kimkankwilt

Good times at the market....yeah!!!

lb70542

You don't know how much i needed this ..I just got my serger back from the repair shop and he told me it was fixed and i'm still having the same problem so I was a little (no) a lot upset and you have made me laugh all the anger out..to the point of tears!!!!!! thank you so much.

Jan in VA

Didn't we just read this a day ago?
(I hardly know what day it is, don't hold me accountable for remembering when I read a post!)

Jan in VA

Abby'smom

thank you -- need the laugh of the day!!

oldtnquiltinglady

This is the funniest thing I have read lately. I was laughing out loud by the time I got to the middle of your story--and for sure falling on the floor about the guy two spaces in line behind you. This ought to go viral. Do you know how to put it on whatever all the kids use? Hhahahahhahahah.....