Giving a cat thier meds.
08-22-2021, 06:55 AM
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Giving a cat thier meds.
08-29-2021, 05:59 PM
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Originally Posted by Chasing Hawk
08-30-2021, 03:25 AM
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You've probably already seen these directions for medicating a cat. Directions for giving a dog a pill are at the bottom.
How to Give a Cat a Pill:
1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm, as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill in, allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, throw away soggy pill.
4. Remove next pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws lightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for count of ten.
5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse in from garden.
6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and back paws. Ignore growls emitting from cat. Get spouse to hold cat's head firmly with one hand, while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler, then rub cat's throat vigorously.
7. Remove cat from curtain rail, remove another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains.
8. Wrap cat in large towel, get spouse to lie on cat, with cat's head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil, blow sharply down straw.
9. Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans, drink a can of beer to take away the taste. Apply Elastoplast to spouse's forearm, and remove any blood from the carpet with a simple soap and water solution.
10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard and gently close door on neck; no, the cat's neck - leaving head showing. Force mouth open with teaspoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and replace cupboard door on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch Scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek, check date of last tetanus shot. Apply whisky compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot.
12. Ring Fire Department to retrieve ruddy cat from tree across the street. Remember to apologize to neighbor who crashed into his fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.
13. Tie the little sod's front paws to rear paws with twine, bind firmly to leg of dining table. Using heavy pruning gloves, push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Get rough if you have to. Pour a pint of water down cat's throat to wash down pill.
14. Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive you to hospital. Sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill from eye.
15. Arrange for ASPCA to collect the Mutant Cat from Hell; phone local pet shop to see whether they have any white mice.
How to give a dog a pill:
1. Wrap pill in bacon.
2. Throw in general direction of dog.
How to Give a Cat a Pill:
1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm, as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill in, allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, throw away soggy pill.
4. Remove next pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws lightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for count of ten.
5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse in from garden.
6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and back paws. Ignore growls emitting from cat. Get spouse to hold cat's head firmly with one hand, while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler, then rub cat's throat vigorously.
7. Remove cat from curtain rail, remove another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains.
8. Wrap cat in large towel, get spouse to lie on cat, with cat's head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil, blow sharply down straw.
9. Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans, drink a can of beer to take away the taste. Apply Elastoplast to spouse's forearm, and remove any blood from the carpet with a simple soap and water solution.
10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard and gently close door on neck; no, the cat's neck - leaving head showing. Force mouth open with teaspoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and replace cupboard door on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch Scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek, check date of last tetanus shot. Apply whisky compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot.
12. Ring Fire Department to retrieve ruddy cat from tree across the street. Remember to apologize to neighbor who crashed into his fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.
13. Tie the little sod's front paws to rear paws with twine, bind firmly to leg of dining table. Using heavy pruning gloves, push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Get rough if you have to. Pour a pint of water down cat's throat to wash down pill.
14. Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive you to hospital. Sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill from eye.
15. Arrange for ASPCA to collect the Mutant Cat from Hell; phone local pet shop to see whether they have any white mice.
How to give a dog a pill:
1. Wrap pill in bacon.
2. Throw in general direction of dog.
Last edited by BonnieJP; 08-30-2021 at 03:27 AM.
