a little humor
09-23-2010, 05:01 PM
#1
Senior Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Beaumont, Texas
Posts: 734
The older we get....
· ONE
Recently, when
I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you
could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken
McNuggets.
I asked for a half dozen nuggets.
'We don't have half dozen nuggets,' said the
teenager at the counter.
'You don't?' I
replied.
'We only have six, nine, or
twelve,' was the reply.
'So I can't order a
half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?'
'That's right.'
So I shook my head and
ordered six McNuggets
(Unbelievable but
sadly true...)
TWO
I was checking
out at the local Walmart with just a few items
and the lady behind me put her things on the
belt close to mine. I picked up one of those
'dividers' that they keep by the cash register
and placed it between our things so they
wouldn't get mixed.
After the girl had
scanned all of my items, she picked up the
'divider', looking it all over for the bar code
so she could scan it.
Not finding the bar
code, she said to me, 'Do you know how much this
is?'
I said to her 'I've changed my mind; I
don't think I'll buy that today.'
She said
'OK,' and I paid her for the things and left.
She had no clue to what had just happened.
THREE
A woman at work was seen
putting a credit card into her floppy drive and
pulling it out very quickly.
When I inquired
as to what she was doing, she said she was
shopping on the Internet and they kept asking
for a credit card number, so she was using the
ATM 'thingy.'
(keep
shuddering!!)
FOUR
I recently saw a
distraught young lady weeping beside her car.
'Do you need some help?' I asked.
She
replied, 'I knew I should have replaced the
battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I
can't get into my car. Do you think they
(pointing to a distant convenience store) would
have a battery to fit this?'
'Hmmm, I don't
know. Do you have an alarm, too?' I asked.
'No, just this remote thingy,' she answered,
handing it and the car keys to me. As I
took the key and manually unlocked the door, I
replied, 'Why don't you drive over there and
check about the batteries. It's a long walk....'
PLEASE just lay
down before you hurt yourself !!!
FIVE
Several years ago,
we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day
she was typing and turned to a secretary and
said, 'I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I
do?' 'Just use paper from the photocopier', the
secretary told her. With that, the intern took
her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it
on the photocopier and proceeded to make five
'blank' copies.
Brunette, by the
way!!
SIX
A mother calls 911 very
worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to
take her kid to the emergency room, the kid had
eaten ants. The dispatcher tells her to give the
kid some Benadryl and he should be fine, the
mother says, 'I just gave him some ant
killer......'
Dispatcher: 'Rush him in to
emergency!'
Life is tough.
It's even tougher if you're
stupid!!!!
·
·
·
·
·
· Someone had to remind me, so I'm reminding you too. Don't
laugh.....it is all true...
Perks of reaching
50 or being over 60 and heading towards 70!
01.
Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
02.. In a
hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
03. No
one expects you to run--anywhere.
04. People
call at 9 PM and ask,"did I wake you?"
05.
People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
06. There
is nothing left to learn the hard way.
07.
Things you buy now won't wear out.
08. You
can eat supper at 4 PM.
09.
You can live without sex but not your glasses.
10. You
get into heated arguments about pension plans.
11. You
no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
· 12. You
quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.
13.
You sing along with elevator music.
14. Your
eyes won't get much worse.
15.
Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
16. Your
joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather
service.
17.
Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them
either.
18. Your
supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
19.
You can't remember who sent you this list.
20. And you notice
these are all in Big Print for your convenience.
Forward this to
every one you can remember right now!
Never, under any circumstances,
take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night
· ONE
Recently, when
I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you
could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken
McNuggets.
I asked for a half dozen nuggets.
'We don't have half dozen nuggets,' said the
teenager at the counter.
'You don't?' I
replied.
'We only have six, nine, or
twelve,' was the reply.
'So I can't order a
half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?'
'That's right.'
So I shook my head and
ordered six McNuggets
(Unbelievable but
sadly true...)
TWO
I was checking
out at the local Walmart with just a few items
and the lady behind me put her things on the
belt close to mine. I picked up one of those
'dividers' that they keep by the cash register
and placed it between our things so they
wouldn't get mixed.
After the girl had
scanned all of my items, she picked up the
'divider', looking it all over for the bar code
so she could scan it.
Not finding the bar
code, she said to me, 'Do you know how much this
is?'
I said to her 'I've changed my mind; I
don't think I'll buy that today.'
She said
'OK,' and I paid her for the things and left.
She had no clue to what had just happened.
THREE
A woman at work was seen
putting a credit card into her floppy drive and
pulling it out very quickly.
When I inquired
as to what she was doing, she said she was
shopping on the Internet and they kept asking
for a credit card number, so she was using the
ATM 'thingy.'
(keep
shuddering!!)
FOUR
I recently saw a
distraught young lady weeping beside her car.
'Do you need some help?' I asked.
She
replied, 'I knew I should have replaced the
battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I
can't get into my car. Do you think they
(pointing to a distant convenience store) would
have a battery to fit this?'
'Hmmm, I don't
know. Do you have an alarm, too?' I asked.
'No, just this remote thingy,' she answered,
handing it and the car keys to me. As I
took the key and manually unlocked the door, I
replied, 'Why don't you drive over there and
check about the batteries. It's a long walk....'
PLEASE just lay
down before you hurt yourself !!!
FIVE
Several years ago,
we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day
she was typing and turned to a secretary and
said, 'I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I
do?' 'Just use paper from the photocopier', the
secretary told her. With that, the intern took
her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it
on the photocopier and proceeded to make five
'blank' copies.
Brunette, by the
way!!
SIX
A mother calls 911 very
worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to
take her kid to the emergency room, the kid had
eaten ants. The dispatcher tells her to give the
kid some Benadryl and he should be fine, the
mother says, 'I just gave him some ant
killer......'
Dispatcher: 'Rush him in to
emergency!'
Life is tough.
It's even tougher if you're
stupid!!!!
·
·
·
·
·
· Someone had to remind me, so I'm reminding you too. Don't
laugh.....it is all true...
Perks of reaching
50 or being over 60 and heading towards 70!
01.
Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
02.. In a
hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
03. No
one expects you to run--anywhere.
04. People
call at 9 PM and ask,"did I wake you?"
05.
People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
06. There
is nothing left to learn the hard way.
07.
Things you buy now won't wear out.
08. You
can eat supper at 4 PM.
09.
You can live without sex but not your glasses.
10. You
get into heated arguments about pension plans.
11. You
no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
· 12. You
quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.
13.
You sing along with elevator music.
14. Your
eyes won't get much worse.
15.
Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
16. Your
joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather
service.
17.
Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them
either.
18. Your
supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
19.
You can't remember who sent you this list.
20. And you notice
these are all in Big Print for your convenience.
Forward this to
every one you can remember right now!
Never, under any circumstances,
take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night
09-23-2010, 05:17 PM
#4
Super Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Beautiful Washington state!
Posts: 3,203
Love it!! Thank you for the laugh. I have to admit a few months ago I never thought I would be sitting around the table with my friends talking about our ailments we are only in our thirtys. I thought I might have a few more years before I became like my mom...
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