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Thread: Aeroplane joke for a change

  1. #1
    Super Member Ditter43's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Crystal River Florida

    Aeroplane joke for a change

    Qantas Airlines: Repair Division

    In case you need a laugh:

    Remember, it takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high school diploma to fix one.

    After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a 'Gripe Sheet' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.

    The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the Gripe Sheets before the next flight.

    Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour.

    Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

    By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

    P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.

    S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.

    P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

    S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

    P: Something loose in cockpit.

    S: Something tightened in cockpit.

    P: Dead bugs on windshield.

    S: Live bugs on back-order.

    P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.

    S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

    P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

    S: Evidence removed.

    P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

    S: DME volume set to more believable level.

    P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

    S: That's what friction locks are for.

    P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.

    S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

    P: Suspected crack in windshield.

    S: Suspect you're right.

    P: Number 3 engine missing.

    S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

    P: Aircraft handles funny............ (I love this one!)

    S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

    P: Target radar hums.

    S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

    P: Mouse in cockpit.

    S: Cat installed.

    And the best one for last..................

    P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.

    S: Took hammer away from midget.
    I quilt, therefore I am.

  2. #2
    Super Member Greenheron's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Beautiful Briery Mountain in WV
    Thanks, Ditter....all the funnier because the answers sound a bit like what my DD would have said.

  3. #3
    Super Member burchquilts's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Holmen, WI
    My favorite? "P: Mouse in cockpit. S: Cat installed." -- tooooooooo funny! Thanks!!!
    (.(. (..`..♥ rebecca

  4. #4
    Senior Member Connie M.'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Western Montana
    You made me laugh so hard I don't know if I can go to sleep now. I read somewhere that every deep belly laugh adds a certain number of minutes to your life....at this rate (with yoiur help), I'm gonna live forever!! Thanks for the chuckles.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Washington, DC
    Hahahaha. I love the one about the lost engine!

  6. #6
    Super Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Jeffersonville, In
    ROFL. Thanks, Ditter

  7. #7
    Junior Member rdem's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Mernda, Victoria, Australia
    very funny...and typical aussie sense of humour
    If you look like your passport photo then you're too ill to travel!!

  8. #8
    Super Member MaryStoaks's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    La Quinta, CA
    Thanks Ditter!

  9. #9
    Senior Member jeank's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Lapeer, Michigan
    I have tears because I am laughing to much.

    Ditter you always come up with the best jokes.
    Jean in MI

  10. #10
    Super Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Lebanon Missouri
    Blog Entries
    I love you Ditter -keep'em comin- : )

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