Aeroplane joke for a change
 

Qantas Airlines: Repair Division








In case you need a laugh:


Remember, it takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high school diploma to fix one.




After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a 'Gripe Sheet' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.


The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the Gripe Sheets before the next flight.


Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour.


Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.




By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.




P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.


S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.




P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.


S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.




P: Something loose in cockpit.


S: Something tightened in cockpit.




P: Dead bugs on windshield.


S: Live bugs on back-order.




P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.


S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.




P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.


S: Evidence removed.




P: DME volume unbelievably loud.


S: DME volume set to more believable level.




P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.


S: That's what friction locks are for.




P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.


S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.




P: Suspected crack in windshield.


S: Suspect you're right.




P: Number 3 engine missing.


S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.




P: Aircraft handles funny............ (I love this one!)


S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.




P: Target radar hums.


S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.




P: Mouse in cockpit.


S: Cat installed.




And the best one for last..................


P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.



S: Took hammer away from midget.

Thanks, Ditter....all the funnier because the answers sound a bit like what my DD would have said.

My favorite? "P: Mouse in cockpit. S: Cat installed." -- tooooooooo funny! Thanks!!!

You made me laugh so hard I don't know if I can go to sleep now. I read somewhere that every deep belly laugh adds a certain number of minutes to your life....at this rate (with yoiur help), I'm gonna live forever!! Thanks for the chuckles.

Hahahaha. I love the one about the lost engine!

ROFL. Thanks, Ditter

very funny...and typical aussie sense of humour

Thanks Ditter!:thumbup:

I have tears because I am laughing to much.

Ditter you always come up with the best jokes.

I love you Ditter -keep'em comin- : )