Automatic flushing toilet
07-01-2010, 06:21 AM
#1
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 1,042
My experience with the Automatic flushing toilet
It started out like most Saturdays, Michael and I racing to as many garage sales as we could fit into the wee hours of the morning. Somewhere between stuffing the car full of goodies and drinking lots of coffee, we opted to take a very much needed bathroom break.
We carefully chose the first clean looking convenience store. We both promised to make it quick and met back at the car. I hurried down the aisle smelling those fat laden donuts and trying to put the thought of how good they would taste out of my mind. I entered the restroom and it was empty! Yeah!
I swiftly entered the middle stall and noticed that they had installed the new automatic flushing toilets. Hmmm “thank God” I thought to myself” no more toilets left unflushed to discover”. I also noticed the handy dispenser of toilet covers and I deduced it would only take a second to use one and I could have a nice sit to do my business. I pulled out the paper cover from it pocket on the wall and tore the center piece loose and carefully laid it on the toilet allowing the tore out piece to dangle in the toilet. “ very nice” I thought. Then I turned around and started to unbutton and I heard a flush. I looked over my shoulder and sure enough that toilet had flushed and taken my cover with it. Darn! I retrieved another cover and placed it on the toilet with care. Turned around unbutton my jeans ,half unzipped my pants and FLUSH goes the toilet again. “What is wrong with this thing?” Okay surely I am doing something wrong here. I check out the sensor and move from side to side to see if it will flush again and it does nothing. So I figure the third time is the charm. This time I tried to tear the center piece completely out so even if it does flush it won’t take the cover with it but I RIPPED the cover in half. Now this made it more difficult to get each half to stay on the toilet so when it looked like they were going to stay in place, I twirled around and grasped my pants and started yanking them down as fast as I could go. This created a nice little breeze that deposited one half of the cover on the floor and the other half in the toilet and then FLUSH! I hear my sentiment of frustration bounce off the cold tile walls “ ARE YOU KIDDING ME?”. I envision Michael out in the car wondering where I am and someone else getting the cheap fabric at the next garage sale. I decide that I will just have to squat and hang my behind over the toilet so I can just finish and get out of there. I had my purse hanging on my shoulder but now that I will need to do a balancing act I didn’t need any dead weight messing things up. I looked around and there is no place to hang my purse as the hook on the door was missing so I precariously balanced it on the lid of the trash depository on the wall. Just as I get into position to relieve myself my purse falls off and I with cat like reflexes saved the purse from contact with the nasty waste land of the restroom floor but to my chagrin my favorite pen falls out of my purse and goes rolling out of my reach. I hear the main bathroom door swing open and the sound of high heeled shoes pounding the tile floor .BANG goes the door against my head and I hear her apologize at her intrusion and move on. Now let me just say that with all this happening at once my aim for the toilet hole was not so good and that familiar saying “ If you sprinkle when you tinkle be a sweetie and wipe the seatie” came to mind. I was just thankful I hadn’t wet my pants. I hurriedly buttoned myself back up and tided the toilet but now I had to retrieve my pen. I did a quick sweeping motion with my foot hoping to retrieve it as fast as I could but that news story about the homosexual man in the bathroom at the airport toe tapping under the stall wall to make contact with another like minded man came to mind. I hoped that I was not making any advances on the woman next door in a language I didn’t understand. At this point mysteriously my favorite pen rolled further away as if to say “Come and get me baby you know you want me!” it simple wasn’t worth it anymore and I exited the torture chamber .While washing my hands I examined the red spot on my forehead left by the door. Then the thought occurred to me my toilet hadn’t flush AFTER I used it. Oh NO!!! I returned to the stall and hopped around in front of the toilet like an Indian dancing for rain trying to trigger the sensor when finally I heard TWO flushes occurring simultaneously and I overheard muttering in the next stall and the familiar crinkle of the paper cover being removed from its home. I suspected the auto toilet had found its next victim. I shouted toward the stall “That toilet is demon possessed” and with a big smile I left. I slid into the passenger side of the car and saw Michael giving me that look that said” what happened to you?” I responded with “bathroom combat”. Michael peeled out of the parking lot heading to the next garage sale and I’m wondering will “toilet exorcism” be the new career of the future?
Jeanne
All rights reserved
Do not copy without permission.
It started out like most Saturdays, Michael and I racing to as many garage sales as we could fit into the wee hours of the morning. Somewhere between stuffing the car full of goodies and drinking lots of coffee, we opted to take a very much needed bathroom break.
We carefully chose the first clean looking convenience store. We both promised to make it quick and met back at the car. I hurried down the aisle smelling those fat laden donuts and trying to put the thought of how good they would taste out of my mind. I entered the restroom and it was empty! Yeah!
I swiftly entered the middle stall and noticed that they had installed the new automatic flushing toilets. Hmmm “thank God” I thought to myself” no more toilets left unflushed to discover”. I also noticed the handy dispenser of toilet covers and I deduced it would only take a second to use one and I could have a nice sit to do my business. I pulled out the paper cover from it pocket on the wall and tore the center piece loose and carefully laid it on the toilet allowing the tore out piece to dangle in the toilet. “ very nice” I thought. Then I turned around and started to unbutton and I heard a flush. I looked over my shoulder and sure enough that toilet had flushed and taken my cover with it. Darn! I retrieved another cover and placed it on the toilet with care. Turned around unbutton my jeans ,half unzipped my pants and FLUSH goes the toilet again. “What is wrong with this thing?” Okay surely I am doing something wrong here. I check out the sensor and move from side to side to see if it will flush again and it does nothing. So I figure the third time is the charm. This time I tried to tear the center piece completely out so even if it does flush it won’t take the cover with it but I RIPPED the cover in half. Now this made it more difficult to get each half to stay on the toilet so when it looked like they were going to stay in place, I twirled around and grasped my pants and started yanking them down as fast as I could go. This created a nice little breeze that deposited one half of the cover on the floor and the other half in the toilet and then FLUSH! I hear my sentiment of frustration bounce off the cold tile walls “ ARE YOU KIDDING ME?”. I envision Michael out in the car wondering where I am and someone else getting the cheap fabric at the next garage sale. I decide that I will just have to squat and hang my behind over the toilet so I can just finish and get out of there. I had my purse hanging on my shoulder but now that I will need to do a balancing act I didn’t need any dead weight messing things up. I looked around and there is no place to hang my purse as the hook on the door was missing so I precariously balanced it on the lid of the trash depository on the wall. Just as I get into position to relieve myself my purse falls off and I with cat like reflexes saved the purse from contact with the nasty waste land of the restroom floor but to my chagrin my favorite pen falls out of my purse and goes rolling out of my reach. I hear the main bathroom door swing open and the sound of high heeled shoes pounding the tile floor .BANG goes the door against my head and I hear her apologize at her intrusion and move on. Now let me just say that with all this happening at once my aim for the toilet hole was not so good and that familiar saying “ If you sprinkle when you tinkle be a sweetie and wipe the seatie” came to mind. I was just thankful I hadn’t wet my pants. I hurriedly buttoned myself back up and tided the toilet but now I had to retrieve my pen. I did a quick sweeping motion with my foot hoping to retrieve it as fast as I could but that news story about the homosexual man in the bathroom at the airport toe tapping under the stall wall to make contact with another like minded man came to mind. I hoped that I was not making any advances on the woman next door in a language I didn’t understand. At this point mysteriously my favorite pen rolled further away as if to say “Come and get me baby you know you want me!” it simple wasn’t worth it anymore and I exited the torture chamber .While washing my hands I examined the red spot on my forehead left by the door. Then the thought occurred to me my toilet hadn’t flush AFTER I used it. Oh NO!!! I returned to the stall and hopped around in front of the toilet like an Indian dancing for rain trying to trigger the sensor when finally I heard TWO flushes occurring simultaneously and I overheard muttering in the next stall and the familiar crinkle of the paper cover being removed from its home. I suspected the auto toilet had found its next victim. I shouted toward the stall “That toilet is demon possessed” and with a big smile I left. I slid into the passenger side of the car and saw Michael giving me that look that said” what happened to you?” I responded with “bathroom combat”. Michael peeled out of the parking lot heading to the next garage sale and I’m wondering will “toilet exorcism” be the new career of the future?
Jeanne
All rights reserved
Do not copy without permission.
07-01-2010, 10:45 AM
#7
Super Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Renton, WA
Posts: 2,045
I am happy to announce that I have vanquished the enemy! Just take a small piece of toilet paper and spit on it. Then stick it to the sensor of the enemy. You can take as long as you like and it WILL NOT flush before you are ready for it to do so! Works every time. I hate those darn things. They waste so much water. And most of them are possesed!
07-01-2010, 11:38 AM
#9
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 1,042
Originally Posted by Bobbielinks
I'm rolling around on the floor (at home of course) laughing insanely at your trip to the toilet! Reminds me of my husband's costly adventure with an automatic flusher.
07-01-2010, 12:09 PM
#10
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Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: dreaming of a simple life. Living off the grid!
Posts: 3,259
ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I thought that only happened to me. The only difference was I didn't drop my pen. I had my sunglasses on top of my head as I quickly turned around to sit they fell off and into the bowl which then flushed again leaving my sunglasses swirling around. No way in hell was I putting my hand in there and fishing them out. I went looking for sales person or manager to tell them what happened since I am sure their plumbing was going to get blocked up. Each person I started to tell the story to was not interested and directed me to another person after the 3 person was directing me to someone else I said the heck with this they will find out soon enough and I left.
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