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Thread: The Best Divorce Letter Ever

  1. #1
    Super Member butterflywing's Avatar
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    currently central new jersey
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    Best Divorce Letter Ever

    Dear wife:

    I'm writing you this letter to tell
    You that I'm leaving you forever.
    I've been a good man to you for 7
    Years & I have nothing to show for it.
    These last 2 weeks have been
    Hell. Your boss called to tell me that you
    Quit your job today & that was the last straw.
    Last week, you came home & didn't even
    Notice I had a new haircut, had
    Cooked your favorite meal & even
    Wore a brand new pair of silk boxers.
    You ate in 2 minutes, & went
    Straight to sleep after watching all of
    Your soaps.
    You don't tell me you love me anymore;
    You don't want sex or anything
    That connects us as husband & wife.
    Either you're cheating on me or
    You don't love me anymore; whatever!
    The case, I'm gone.

    Your EX-Husband

    P.S. Don't try to find me. Your SISTER & I are
    Moving away to West Virginia together!
    Have a great life!


    Dear
    Ex-Husband

    Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.
    It's true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a
    Good man is a far cry from what you've been.
    I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your
    Constant whining & griping. Too bad that doesn't work.
    I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but
    The 1st thing that came to mind was 'You look just like a girl!'
    Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can't
    Say something nice, I didn't comment.
    And when you cooked my favorite meal, you
    Must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because
    I stopped eating pork 7 years ago.
    About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you
    Because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & ; I prayed
    It was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50
    From me that morning.
    After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work
    It out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit
    My job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica But when I got home
    You were gone. Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope
    You have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that
    The letter you wrote ensures you won't get a dime from me. So
    Take care.

    Signed,
    Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!

    P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my sister
    Carla was born Carl. I hope that's not a problem

  2. #2
    Power Poster amma's Avatar
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    :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: Good One :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

  3. #3

    Join Date
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    Oh that was soooooooooooooo Funny :D :D :lol: :lol: :lol:
    Jacqui

  4. #4
    Super Member Ducky's Avatar
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    Very good! The last P.S. was great!

  5. #5
    Senior Member Dorothy of Kansas's Avatar
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    :lol: :lol: ROFLMAO :lol: :lol: LOVE IT!!!

  6. #6
    Power Poster Ninnie's Avatar
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    Too too funny

  7. #7
    k3n
    k3n is offline
    Power Poster k3n's Avatar
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    NWMK! Good on her, that'll teach the b.@&d! (can you tell I'm a divorcee? LOL)

  8. #8
    Super Member sewjoyce's Avatar
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    :lol: :lol: That was a good one!!

  9. #9
    Super Member quilter1962's Avatar
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    Butterflywing

    What an absolute hoot - I am laughing so much my eldest has just come downstairs to see what all the noise is about - bless you - you have made my night. :wink:

    Tisha

  10. #10
    Piedmont Quilter's Avatar
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    OMG that is too too funny. I guess what they say is true - what goes around comes around.

    Thanks for the laugh

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