The next pandemic!
I went to a dinner party last night, where I and other guests enjoyed copious amounts of alcohol.
I awoke this morning with flu-like symptoms; headache, nausea, chills, sore eyes.
As a result, I have unfortunately tested positive for what a cadre of experts are now calling Wine Flu.
This debilitating condition is serious - and it appears this is NOT an isolated case.
Reports are flooding in from across the country of others now being diagnosed with Wine Flu.
To anyone exhibiting the aforementioned symptoms, experts recommend a cup of tea and a bit of a lie down.
However, should your condition worsen, you should immediately rent a DVD and call in sick.
Then take the only drug proven to combat this usual type type of flu - a McDonald's Happy Meal.
If that doesn't work, further application of the original liquid, in familiar quantities, has been shown to do the trick.
Wine Flu does not NEED to be life threatening!
If treated early, it can be eradicated within a 24-48 hour period.
If you find you are complaining a lot, it may be that the virus has mutated into Whine Flu.
This is particularly common in men and can spread to their partners whose symptoms may include a serious case of eye-rolling.