Ditter43

PUNOGRAPHY

I changed my i Pod name to Titanic.
It's syncing now.

When chemists die, they barium.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid.
He says he can stop any time.

How does Moses make his tea ?
Hebrews it.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went.
Then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club,
but I'd never met herbivore.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.
I can't put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns.
It was a play on words.

They told me I had Type-A blood,
but it was a Type- O.

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

Why were the Indians here first?
They had reservations.

Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory.
I hope there's no pop quiz.

Energizer bunny arrested.
Charged with battery.

I didn't like my beard at first.
Then it grew on me.

How do you make holy water?
Boil the hell out of it!

Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

What does a clock do when it's hungry?
It goes back four seconds.

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger.
Then it hit me!

Broken pencils are pointless.

I tried to catch some fog.
I mist.

What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary?
A thesaurus.

England has no kidney bank,
but it does have a Liverpool.

I used to be a banker,
but then I lost interest.

I dropped out of communism class
because of lousy Marx.

All the toilets in New York’s police stations have been stolen.
Police have nothing to go on.

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

Velcro - what a rip off!

Cartoonist found dead in home.
Details are sketchy.

Venison for dinner?
Oh deer!

Earthquake in Washington;
obviously government's fault.

I used to think I was indecisive,
but now I'm not so sure.

Be kind to your dentist.
He has fillings, too.

Sunnye

Ha-ha-ha!
I love this kind of thing.

rebeljane

These are very funny

Anael

LOL great, thanks Ditter

JabezRose

Made it all they way to the baseball one before busted out laughing beyond control. Thank you Ditter.

running1

Ditter, I always check to see if you've posted anything and read that first!! Love the laughter!! I feel like we're old friends, somehow!!
You're a blessing....

Yooper32

Those are some hilarious descriptions. You have struck "gold" again, Ditter. Rather, I should say "phrases".

coopah

Priceless puns! (Now if I could just remember one or two!)

kloe49

Very good. Will have to share these.

carolynjo

Ditter, I don't know how you ever find all those funnies, but I surely do look forward to reading them! Keep us in stitches.