OKLAHOMA PEACH

If I were ol' Santa, you know what I'd do
I'd dump silly gifts tht are given to you
And deliver somethings just inside your front door
Things you have lost, but treasured before.

I'd give you back all your maidenly vigor
and to go along with it, a neat tiny figure.l
Then restore the old color that once graced your hair
Before rinses and bleaches took residence there.

I'd bring back the shape with which you were gifted
So things now suspended need not be uplifted.
I'd draw in your tummy and smooth down your back
Till you'd be a dream in those tight fitting slacks.

I'd remove all your wrinkles and leave only one chin
So you wouldn't speed hours rubbing grease on your skin.
You'd never have flashes or queer dizzy spells,
And you wouldn't hear noises like ringing of bells.

No sore aching feet and no corns on your toes,
No searching for spectacles when they're right on you nose.
Not a shot would you take in your arm, hip or fanny,
From a doctor who thinks you're a nervous old granny.

You'd never have a headache, so no pills would you take.
And no heating pad needed since your muscles won't ache.
Yes, if I were Santa, you'd never look stupid,
You'd be a cute little chick with the romance of a cupid.

I'd give a lift to your heart when those wolves start to whistle,
And the joys of your heart would be light as a thistle.
But alas! I'm no Santa. I'm simply just me,
I wish I could tell you all the symptoms I've got,
But I'm due at my doctor's.
Even though we've grown older, this wish is sincere,
Merry Christmas to you and a Happy New Year!