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Thread: New Doctor

  1. #1
    Senior Member sewhappy57's Avatar
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    Aug 2008
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    Anchorage,Alaska
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    I finally found a doctor I like!




    I love this Doctor

    Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
    A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise.
    Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer;
    that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster.
    Want to live longer? Take a nap.

    Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
    A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn.
    And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient
    mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken.
    Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable).
    And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

    Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
    A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine,
    that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more
    of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

    Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
    A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one.
    If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

    Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
    A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!

    Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
    A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! ...... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil.
    In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

    Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
    A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger.
    You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

    Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
    A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans ! Another vegetable!!!
    It's the best feel-good food around!

    Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
    A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

    Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
    A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

    Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

    And remember:

    'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention
    of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body,
    but rather to skid in sideways -
    Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other -
    body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and
    screaming 'WOO HOO, What a Ride'



    AND.....

    For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health.
    It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

    1. The Japanese eat very little fat
    and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

    2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat
    and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

    3. The Chinese drink very little red wine
    and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

    4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine
    and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

    5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats
    and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

    CONCLUSION

    Eat and drink what you like.
    Speaking English is apparently what kills you.



  2. #2
    Moderator sharon b's Avatar
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    LMAO ! Can I have the addy ??? :lol: My kind of doc !
    Sharon

  3. #3
    Super Member beachlady's Avatar
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    Ho, Ho!

  4. #4
    Power Poster amma's Avatar
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    :lol: :lol: Good One :lol: :lol:

  5. #5
    Super Member sewjoyce's Avatar
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    Love it!

  6. #6
    Moderator littlehud's Avatar
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    Love all of it but it was the last bit that did me in. LOL

  7. #7
    bearpaw's Avatar
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    Funny! :D :D

  8. #8
    Super Member kwhite's Avatar
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    Love it.

  9. #9
    Power Poster Ninnie's Avatar
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    Athens Ga
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    Funny, funny, funny!!!


    Ninie

  10. #10
    Super Member Shemjo's Avatar
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    :lol:

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