I laughed so hard when I was reading my email, thought I would share with you ;)
At my recent assault trial, I offered a plea of "Guilty with an explanation."
The judge asked me what my explanation was, so I told my Story.
"Your Honor," I said, "I had a mammogram appointment, which I actually
kept. I was met with: 'Hi! I'm Belinda!' This perky clipboard carrier
smiled from ear to ear, tilted her head to one side and crooned, 'All I need
you to do is step into this room right here, strip to the waist, then slip
on this gown. Everything clear?' I'm thinking, 'Belinda, try decaf. This
ain't rocket science.' Belinda skipped away to prepare the chamber of
With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally) to the left
and said, 'Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and lean in a tad so we
can get everything?' 'Fine', I answered. I was freezing, bruised, and out
of air, so why not use the remaining circulation in my legs and neck and
finish me off? My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity (with my
other breast wedged between those two 4 inch pieces of square glass) when
we heard, then felt a zap!
Complete darkness and the power went off! 'Oh, maintenance is working.
Bet they hit a snag.' Belinda said, and headed for the door.
'Excuse me! You're not leaving me in this vise alone are you?' I shouted.
Belinda kept going and said, 'Oh, you fussy puppy...the door's wide open so
you'll have the emergency hall lights. I'll be right back.'
Before I could shout 'NOOOO!' she disappeared. And that's exactly how Bubba
and Earl, maintenance men extraordinaire, found me ... half-naked with part
of me dangling from the Jaws of Life, and the other part smashed between
glass! After exchanging a polite 'Hi, how's it going' type greeting, Bubba
(or possibly Earl) asked, to my utter disbelief, if I knew the power was
off. Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as much calmness as
Possible 'Uh, yes, yes I did thanks.' 'You bet, take care' Bubba replied
and waved good-bye as though I'd been standing in the line at the grocery
Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin. Making no
attempt to suppress her amusement, she said, 'Oh I am sooo sorry!' The power
came back on and I totally forgot about you! And silly me, I went to
lunch. Are we upset?'
And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended up between the
The judge could hardly contain her laughter as she said