You see I have this friend... :roll:

Why would a 51 year old lady, who is generally emotionally mature, confident, content, and happy with her life, terrified (yes, terrified) of getting married a second time? And, is that necessarily a bad thing?

Hmmm, your "friend" perhaps is not ready to get married? Why the rush?

Not knowing what happend the first time, there may be many reasons to feel the way your friend does.

I agree with quiltwoman......

I have been widowed for 22 years, engaged for 12 years and do not care to get married again. Know how your "friend" feels. I am commited to him, but do not feel the need to get married. Of course he feels differently - he gets on his knee at least once a year and asks me to get married, Now maybe if he had given me a diamond each time, I might change my mind..........LOL. By the way, I am 63. My first marriage was wonderful - was married 19 years when DH died, so that has nothing to do with it - just do not want to get married again!!

Definitely not ready to get married or have him move in. It has nothing to do with first marriage, more about losing my independence, fear of change, sharing my home with him.

He's OK with not getting married (so he says) but eventually would like to live together. The thought of that brings on a panic attack.

Is this normal? Sure is different now than it was at 20...

Living with anyone period is a pretty much a job in its self. We are all different people and it is a matter of do you want to have to always consider another persons wishes before you persue your wishes. They will always be different and at different times. It is a big give and take situation. I was single for 20 years after my first failed marriage. I told my now husband of 12 yrs I was not good wife material because I never wanted to be made to feel like I had to are was supposed to do something just because it was a required part of marriage. I finally gave in and got married and it has been a good marriage but it all finally comes down to putting someone elses feelings into every decision you make from that day forward. Just my thoughts not everyones I'm sure. If your happy why fix what isnt broke?

In a few weeks, we will be celebrating 25 yrs. and every minute has been wonderful! I have been extremely lucky in love and marriage with my guy. Having said that...if something happened to him tomorrow...I'll NEVER get remarried. I say be true to yourself and do what feels right for yourself.

I am also 63...I left in 88 to take care of my Mother who had a stroke, it was a place to escape to. I finally got my divorce in 96....and never looked back...I have no urge to remarry. This is the first time in my life I am in charge of everything, and don't want to give that up. I could use more income, but like my life :D :D :D

Matt and I have been together 6 years. We live 50 miles apart. Even if we were next door, we still would be happier having or own spaces. Love him to death, but both of us have hobbies requiring lots of space, and our pets would need constant supervision.

If you're happy with your life as it is, why change it? As far as the living together, I guess it's all in how you were brought up, like if you were living together and not married, it's a "sin". I don't feel that way. My husband and I have been together 22 years but only married 9 years. The only reason for that, was that if something happened to him without marriage, all his retirement money and benefits would have gone back to his employer. This may be something you want to discuss, maybe after living together. That way if it doesn't work out, you just split up, you don't have to get a divorce. If something happened to my husband, I have NO plans on getting married again. My two cents worth.