I need a perspective or an attitude adjustment.

The situation: the final Harry Potter movie is coming out next month. There is a midnight showing.

DD (14) is "the biggest HP fan in the world" and wants to go to the midnight premier, and wants to get a bunch of her friends to go to.

We live in a world with choices, though...

Theater #1 is 10 minutes away, the ticket price is $12 and snacks are expensive. This is a newer theater.

Theater #2 is 25 minutes away, tickets are $6 and the snacks cost about half as much. This is an old theater.

DD wants to go to theater #1. I told her that I though it was overpriced and that we should plan on going to theater #2, and that it is rather arrogant to assume that her friends are all willing and/or able to pay twice as much as they need to to see the movie. (I am willing to transport DD and 6 of her friends in our gas-guzzling van.)

She burst into tears and said that I "don't understand how important this is to her".

Parents who have survived teenage girls, what's your take on this? (Boys just don't react in this way, I've noticed...)

Does she get an allowance?

If so, have her come up with the money to go?

I noticed that DGDs were more reluctant to spend "their" money than their Dad's or mine!

I guess it depends on who is paying. If it's that important to her - and she and her friends are willing to spend "their" money on it - let them!

If you are the one "directly" paying for the ticket and snacks - then I think YOU are the one that gets to choose where to go.

Prehaps u could call the other 6 friends parents.. ask which they prefer to have their Dtr go to.

or

prehaps the dtr can pay the difference in price?

Is the older theater in a bad neighborhood?

Here's my take on it.......I think she burst into tears not because you were being unreasonable about saving money but because she and some of her friends may have already talked about how nice it would be to go to the new theater and see what it's like. For some reason it almost seems like once a teenage girl gets her heart set on something it's hard to change her mind.

If she and the other girls have their own money and want to spend it on the tickets to realize their dream that's fine but otherwise they should take your advice and go to the less expensive theater. Oh and by the way, can they throw a few candy bars in their purses?

You're a good mom to be a part of this and to be willing to take the girls.

What would the difference be in gas. Take that into account if you are paying for her ticket. If she is paying for her own there is no problem, if that is what she wants to spend her money on.

I would have her ask her friends which theater they would prefer. If they all want #2, I am sure she will, too. If they want #1, tell her that is okay, as long as she pays the difference.

Do they really need snacks at midnight? lol Maybe you can throw some in your purse.

I agree - it's too easy to 'spend' mom's $$$ - maybe she can "earn" her way, or maybe a good teaching moment -

MANY years ago when the Beach Boys came to town & I had an opportunity to take my teen twin girls to see them, they were told "If you clean up your room I will take you" - wellll be careful what you threaten, because they didn't, & I didn't. BUT they did remember that the next time.

That same year the Beatles came to the USA for the 1st time, & I had the same opportunity to take them (they did what I ask them this time). At the time, I was a sheriff's deputy in Las Vegas - as an officer, I had to pull duty that nite at the concert, & the dept. sent cars to PU all the officers & they OFFERED to let me bring the girls to see them. (they were 13 at the time - scored some pretty big points on that one)

I also agree w/bluteddi - how do the other parents feel about paying that price, or are those girls maybe 'earning' their way?

Good luck, I'm just happy I'm not raising kids in the crazy world out there today - I feel sorry for all the peer pressure & what kids have to face out there.

Is there a cute boy working at theater #1? There may be plans for a big group to go and she and her friends are just meeting the others there. I'd probably take them to the one they wanted, spend the extra money if you have it, and let it be an awesome night. Fiscal responsibility is great, but sometimes girls just want to have fun! I think the days of squeezing 14 kids into a car to go to the drive-in for a $1 are over. We boycotted the walkin movie theater when they went up from 35 to 50 cents. Then we went to "town" and had to pay 85 cents. So, we decided 50 was doable after all. :-D

The older theater is in a lovely little rural village south of us.

The way it is around here is that the new movie theaters are all located in newly developed retail areas (along with the big box chain stores). The older theaters are historic movie theaters in the (completely safe) downtown areas of the neighboring towns. These are villages with quaint, thriving Main streets with coffee shops, boutiques etc.

I think what troubles me most is that... well, we are fortunate to live in a "rich suburb" of Buffalo. And while I myself am not rich, a lot of DDs friends apparently do come from wealthy families. She has been lucky enough to be invited to lots of their homes, and those are really big, spacious ... well, they are mansions to me.

And I think they probably all do have money to burn. That said... how I wish that instead of spending the extra $6/ticket on themselves, we could turn it into an outing to the less expensive theater, and have the girls bring $6 worth of food for a local food pantry.

Its about... how do I teach her to be a good steward, and a caring Christian young woman that lives out the concept of loving her neighbor?

For instance... last year she wanted Uggs. Nothing else would do. So I took her shopping, and she bought her Uggs, with her own money. They were $140 / pair. J. C. Penney had Fuggs (fake Uggs) for $20 / pair that week. I asked DD right out if she knew exactly what she was doing, in purchasing the Uggs. I asked if she understood that she could get some very nice other-brand boots, and buy an equally nice pair for charity. Or buy the Penney boots, and six other kids could also have warm dry feet.

She still bought the Uggs.

And we'd recently come back from a week-long mission trip to Nicaragua, where $5 / day is considered a very good wage.

Honestly, I have been TRYING to teach her (and her brothers) to care about others.

Is it just her age, and the (lucky) town that we live in?

Or am I expecting too much wisdom from someone who is still quite young?

Good luck with this one. Personally, I agree that the person paying should have the most say in this decision. My pocketbook is not deep enough to be able to 'treat' the kids when a less expensive choice is available. I may wish I could, but I cannot and will not feel guilty because of that. Sometimes we have a tendency to spoil our kids just because we have enough money. LOL, guess that is not MY problem.