After two years of this, I put a note in the card that said, "If you don't call me or write me to say thank you, there will be no more gifts from me."

And I did it. That solved that problem. I figured someone had to tell them it was customary to thank the giver for a gift. By the way, the parents had taught them to thank people for gifts, they just felt that the rules of etiquette didn't apply to them.

We have several neighborhood kids that we give much more to then our family kids because they are always helping us. DH was raking leaves and the boys stopped playing and came over to help. They come running when they see me unloading groceries from my car to help, just nice decent kids to be around.

I've had a young mother do the same to my sister in law. I delivered some of the gifts and it seemed the gifts were ok until I mentioned who they actually came from. Then they became 'junky'. My voice turned to ice as I said, "They're not junky. They are toys. The kids played with them for hours."

She got the message and tried to cover it by saying all the parts made them junky and the kids don't clean them up. Didn't help. I told her that's true for all kids, but it doesn't make the gifts junky.

I have never heard her say anything like that to me since. We are very slowly becoming friends. I think that is in part because I don't take her guff, and she respects that. Ordinarily, I wouldn't bother but her kids are my grand niece and nephew and I love them dearly. They are worth it.

I have to agree here. My Aunt only gave to my DDs as they were the only ones to write a thank you, that was before the easy way out and computers. (I'm still old school here) I have 10 cousins on that side all with children. They never knew what they were missing out on.

piney

I had a cousin, who gave to us (me and my brother and sister) long after she quit giving to her grandchildren, because we wrote thank you notes. I received very nice wedding, shower and baby gifts from her. My daughters (both in their twenties) were taught to write thank you notes. One didn't put her wedding gifts away until the thank you notes had been written and sent.

Often you have to be clear about what you want. If you don't get thank you notes, did you ever mention that you like or expect them? Try giving them a set of thank you notes at thanksgiving and let them know they could use them at Christmas and birthday time. Educate them. Also, I understood that etiquette dictates that if you say thank you in person, you are not expected to send a thank you note. One of my biggest pet peeves is when one person gets angry at another because he/she did not live up to an unsaid expectation.

When we were little, my mother would not let us play or use the gift until we wrote out thank you notes. My husband and I wrote our thank you notes for our wedding while we were on our honeymoon. Many people commented to my parents they had their thank you notes before we got home. My mother said my husband was the only son-in-law that ever sent them thank-yous for gifts and actually wrote to them about once a year. (We live in CA and they lived in WA State.) So we passed on the importance of writing the notes to our daughters, and they even write us notes.

My mom finally told my sisters if she didn't get a thank you note from their kids she would stop sending them gifts. They sent one note.

I disagree with the poster who said if the kids don't write thank-you notes, it's the fault of the parents. I taught my kids to write thank you notes. When they hit about age 10 - 12, they both quit, despite my warnings of dire consequences. I informed the grandparents that I would totally understand if they stopped sending gifts, and would be more than happy to seize the opportunity as a teaching moment. However, both sets of grandparents said it was ok, they understood, the kids are busy, they still wanted to give gifts to the kids, blah blah blah. Honestly, I was pretty disappointed. Fortunately, my oldest is now 18 and will write wonderful thank-you emails full of news and chitchat. Now I just have to work on my youngest.

I find the group of friends who give presents the biggest problem. I would prefer to just be friends,

YAHBUT, what do you do when the nieces and nephews turned 18,. then 19,20,21,22,23, get married and have a slew of little great nieces and nephews? #1 husband and I a "retired" and two of our nieces have seven children between them. We can't really afford that. We don't see them that often, so now I send the card to Mr and Mrs. So and So, and Family. We also quit at 18! I also go with Sandy, too. Manners have gone out the window, totally! Thank God, not my generation.

Love them all dearly, but just can't do it anymore. We have three grandchildren and one great grandchild. Merry Christmas! Edie