RED SKELTON'S RECIPE :

For those of you old enough to remember Red Skelton, I think you will enjoy this e-mail. For those of you not old enough you will see what you missed. Either way, his humor was always clean and he was a great entertainer. A re-run of great 'one liners from the man who was known for his clean humor. I hope you get a chuckle or two reading them once more.

RED SKELTON'S RECIPE
FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE



1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a
little beverage, good food and companionship.
She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds.
Hers is in California , and mine is in Texas ..

3. I take my wife everywhere,
but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.
"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.
So I suggested the kitchen.

5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric
toaster and electric bread maker.
She said "There are too many gadgets, and no place
to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.

7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well
because there was water in the carburetor.
I asked where the car was. She told me, "In the lake."

8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days.
Then the mud fell off.

9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late
for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!".

10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her
first name was 'Always'.

12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months.
I don't like to interrupt her.

13. The last fight was my fault though.
My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!".

Can't you just hear him say all of these?

I love it. These were the good old days when humor
didn't have to start with a four letter word.
It was just clean and simple fun.
And he always ended his programs with the words,

"And May God Bless" with a big smile on his face.

Oh that's funny!!! Love them, loved him!! Thanks :D

Yes, I am old enough to remember Red Skelton, one of the funniest men I have heard. He was great, seems all the really good ones die way too young.
Thanks for posting this.

I loved this!!! Thank you so much for bringing smiles to all of us today!!! :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: Naomi

Oh Boy, do I remember him. As I was reading these I pictured him telling each one and could even see his great smile. That was when comedy was good. Thanks for posting. :thumbup:

He use to have Sunday dinner at my Grandmothers when my Mom was little - don't know the years, probaly late 40's early 50's. That was St. Louis, Mo. I remember watching him on TV when I was little too.

I do remember him. I loved watching him every week. I do miss that kind of clean humor.

I just read these out loud to my husband - we both got a good laugh. And yes, we both remember watching Red Skelton on TV. He was certainly one of a kind :)

I remember Red Skelton from when I was little. I, too, miss humor that doesn't have foul language in it! Red was wonderful!!!

He was a very funny man, and I loved his skits and too.