Welcome to the Quilting Board!

Already a member? Login above
loginabove
OR
To post questions, help other quilters and reduce advertising (like the one on your left), join our quilting community. It's free!

Page 1 of 3 1 2 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 26

Thread: Redneck Etiquette

  1. #1
    Super Member Ditter43's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Crystal River Florida
    Posts
    9,466
    REDNECK ETIQUETTE




    GENERAL:
    1. Never take a beer to a job interview.
    2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
    3. It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
    4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
    5. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still rude to drive the U-Haul to the funeral home.

    DINING OUT:
    1. When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper cup and pour slowly so as not to "bruise" the fruit of the vine.
    2. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your hands.

    ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME:
    1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
    2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table, no matter how good his manners are.

    PERSONAL HYGIENE:
    1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys.
    2. Even if you live alone, deodorant is not a waste of good money.
    3. Use of proper toiletries can only delay bathing for a few days.
    4. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.

    DATING (Outside the Family):
    1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
    2. Be assertive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall two years ago."
    3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM. Others might say "Monday." If the latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.

    THEATRE ETIQUETTE:
    1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately after the movie has ended.
    2. Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven they can't hear you.

    WEDDINGS:
    1. Livestock is usually a poor choice for a wedding gift.
    2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.
    3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create a tacky appearance.
    4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for this special occasion.

    DRIVING ETIQUETTE:
    1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is loaded and the deer is in sight.
    2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires does not always have the right of way.
    3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
    4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer too.
    5. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.

  2. #2
    Magdalena's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    State of Grace
    Posts
    1,876
    Blog Entries
    1
    OMGoodness, some of these are too funny. Thank you Ditter.

  3. #3
    Senior Member pheasantduster's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Location
    Massachusetts
    Posts
    417
    Blog Entries
    1
    You always bring a chuckle - thanks - all in good fun.

  4. #4
    Super Member drivingsusan's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    S Oregon
    Posts
    1,010
    O so good!!
    Had to, just HAD to send these to a couple of friends!!!

  5. #5
    Super Member C.Cal Quilt Girl's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Location
    Central Ca
    Posts
    2,622
    LOL.... Oh plaese no new ideas who'd a thunk some of those:)

  6. #6
    pab
    pab is offline

    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Posts
    540
    Blog Entries
    13
    Thanks Ditter, we can always depend on you for some laughs for the day! pab

  7. #7
    Senior Member bunniequilter's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Location
    Buried Under My Stash up in Canada!
    Posts
    556
    Oh oh...saw myself in that list a few times YIKES!!!

  8. #8
    Super Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Location
    OK
    Posts
    1,225
    This reminds me of my "rent optional" tenant.

    Joy

  9. #9
    Super Member magpie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Western NY
    Posts
    2,070
    Too funny, have to share with family and friends. Thank you Ditter.

  10. #10
    Banned
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Location
    Yulee Florida
    Posts
    1,075
    Most definately a factual life style. It is always the truth that is spoken that awlays comes out funniest.

Page 1 of 3 1 2 ... LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  

SEO by vBSEO ©2011, Crawlability, Inc.