Welcome to the Quilting Board!

Already a member? Login above
loginabove
OR
To post questions, help other quilters and reduce advertising (like the one on your left), join our quilting community. It's free!

Page 1 of 6 1 2 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 53

Thread: Retirement Fun!!

  1. #1
    Super Member Ditter43's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Crystal River Florida
    Posts
    9,466
    What a retired husband does

    After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target.

    Dear Mrs. Samuel,

    Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store.. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Samuel, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

    1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

    2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

    3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

    4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

    5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

    6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

    7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

    8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, ' Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

    9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

    10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

    11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.

    12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

    13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

    14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
    And last, but not least:

    15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.

  2. #2
    Super Member shequilts's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    Atlanta
    Posts
    1,339
    Oh no, now you all know my secret. Very funny!~

  3. #3
    Google Goddess craftybear's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Location
    Central Indiana (USA)
    Posts
    31,244
    Blog Entries
    194
    rofl, you are so funny thanks for all of the laughs

  4. #4
    Super Member tigger5464's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Location
    ????????????
    Posts
    1,740
    Blog Entries
    2
    LOL Thank You Ditter!!! I needed a good laugh today and you always have the best ones. :D

    BTW...my dogs think I'm crazy for sitting here laughing when no one else is home. :D Please keep them coming :D

  5. #5
    Senior Member Boopers's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Location
    Nevada
    Posts
    611
    Blog Entries
    4
    Thank you, Ditter. This made my day.

  6. #6
    Super Member dixiebelle162002's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Location
    TN
    Posts
    2,377
    Blog Entries
    2
    Oh No!! the news is already out and spreading....... now everyone knows how my husband behaves when I take him places!!! :oops: :oops: :oops:

  7. #7
    Super Member Lynnejean's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Location
    Oklahoma
    Posts
    1,058
    LOL thanks for sharing! I will be passing this on. :lol:

  8. #8
    Super Member icon17's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Location
    Washington,State
    Posts
    1,692
    Oh too Funnnny!!!! 8-)

  9. #9
    Senior Member luvnquilt's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Location
    Junction City, OR
    Posts
    481
    Blog Entries
    1
    I have read that before but it still made me laugh out loud!! thanks for the giggle.

  10. #10
    Senior Member janethagy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Posts
    636
    Blog Entries
    1
    And that is why I dont take my husband shopping with me...:) Thanks Ditter!!

Page 1 of 6 1 2 ... LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  

SEO by vBSEO ©2011, Crawlability, Inc.