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Thread: Retirement Fun!!

  1. #1
    Super Member Ditter43's Avatar
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    What a retired husband does

    After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target.

    Dear Mrs. Samuel,

    Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store.. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Samuel, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

    1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

    2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

    3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

    4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

    5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

    6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

    7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

    8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, ' Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

    9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

    10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

    11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.

    12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

    13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

    14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
    And last, but not least:

    15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.

  2. #2
    Super Member shequilts's Avatar
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    Oh no, now you all know my secret. Very funny!~

  3. #3
    Google Goddess craftybear's Avatar
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    rofl, you are so funny thanks for all of the laughs

  4. #4
    Super Member tigger5464's Avatar
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    LOL Thank You Ditter!!! I needed a good laugh today and you always have the best ones. :D

    BTW...my dogs think I'm crazy for sitting here laughing when no one else is home. :D Please keep them coming :D

  5. #5
    Senior Member Boopers's Avatar
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    Thank you, Ditter. This made my day.

  6. #6
    Super Member dixiebelle162002's Avatar
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    Oh No!! the news is already out and spreading....... now everyone knows how my husband behaves when I take him places!!! :oops: :oops: :oops:

  7. #7
    Super Member Lynnejean's Avatar
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    LOL thanks for sharing! I will be passing this on. :lol:

  8. #8
    Super Member icon17's Avatar
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    Oh too Funnnny!!!! 8-)

  9. #9
    Senior Member luvnquilt's Avatar
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    I have read that before but it still made me laugh out loud!! thanks for the giggle.

  10. #10
    Senior Member janethagy's Avatar
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    And that is why I dont take my husband shopping with me...:) Thanks Ditter!!

  11. #11
    Super Member bjnicholson's Avatar
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    Toooooo funny! I almost wet my pants!

  12. #12
    Senior Member mrs theo's Avatar
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    That was a belly laugh out loud read...thank you!!!

  13. #13
    Super Member tutt's Avatar
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    OMG......that's my husband!!!!!

  14. #14
    Power Poster earthwalker's Avatar
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    Thanks Ditter....needed a smile and as always you deliver!

  15. #15
    Super Member Airwick156's Avatar
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    quote=Ditter43]What a retired husband does

    After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target.

    Dear Mrs. Samuel,

    Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store.. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Samuel, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

    1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

    2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

    3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

    4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

    5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

    6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

    7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

    8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, ' Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

    9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

    10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

    11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.

    12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

    13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

    14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
    And last, but not least:

    15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.[/quote]

    OMGosh that is soooooo funny. Im passing that on.[

  16. #16
    Super Member sewingsuz's Avatar
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    Well Hi Ditter. Now I know why they talk about you so much.

  17. #17
    Super Member
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    Cute~

  18. #18
    Super Member Cybrarian's Avatar
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    My word Ditter I laughed so hard and after the day I've had, man did I need it! Thanks so much.

  19. #19
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    Ditter, You did it again.. I always get a laugh from you. This is why I enjoy being single.

  20. #20
    Super Member jojosnana's Avatar
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    Ditter you did it again. Thanks

  21. #21
    Senior Member ddddd's Avatar
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    too funny!

  22. #22
    Super Member MaryStoaks's Avatar
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    Thanks Ditter! :thumbup:

  23. #23
    Super Member wolph33's Avatar
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    lol Ditter you are a hoot :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

  24. #24
    Super Member Quiltforme's Avatar
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    Now it all makes sense every time I go to target I just thought it was some crazy person all this time it was my husband!!

  25. #25
    Member
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    I actually seen that happen in the stores, and saw the lady in fabrics roll her eyes. So funny.
    Ginnie

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