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Thread: Quilt Police are knocking at my door

  1. #1
    Senior Member olebat's Avatar
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    When the Quilt Police get me, how do I make bond? I’ve been trying to knock out all of my UFO’s - got it down to a queen and a double. (Want to wait for adjustments on my LA before finishing them.) Found a “quick” project tucked in a drawer. One of those little teach yourself to quilt wall hangings with a poinsettia applique. Not wanting to start a major project, and in the mode of the season, opened the package which contained only the fabric, pattern and instructions. I did read the directions, just in case, and started cutting. All went well, bunches of half square triangles for the border, a narrow interior border, and a white on white center for the applique base. Went into the sewing annex to find some fusible, traced, fused and cut the pieces and began the embroidery by machine.

    All was going well until I needed to put the centers on the poinsettias. Red fabric, fused to the same red fabric, is almost impossible to see. Chalk outlined the smaller portion of the flower, and took a shot. Used a machine blanket stitch, reduced the width of the stitch on the points I could see, but missed some bays. Went back to catch them. Kept thinking “galloping horses...galloping horses” left the extra stitches in place. Red on red - I couldn’t see to pick them out - who would notice - right?

    Started to put the backing on. The provided muslin was smaller than the hanging. Now why did they do that? This is suppose to be learner friendly. It was close, but no cigar. Ran ditch stitches along the borders and diamond border pattern. Squared the piece, cutting off an easy 1/4" all around. Glued then sewed the binding. Hung the piece in the LR, and looked out the window for the uniformed people in the car with the Ohio Star on the door. I had hung it upside down. Husband laughed. Thought that was the way it was suppose to be - you hang flowers like that all the time. (Right, when I’m drying herbs.)

    So, when the quilt police get me, and I go before the court, Judge Sharon will ask for leniency because the binding looks so good. Judge Laura will take away my Chicago School of Fusing diploma for the botched up job on the applique. But Judge Rickie will throw the book at me for losing the points on the border. (LOST, not just off a little, but cut off, because I didn’t get a piece of muslin from my stash and cut the right size.) Ohoo Oh, I hear a car. How do I make bail?

  2. #2
    Power Poster erstan947's Avatar
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    Sounds like a day in the life of my quilting!!:)

  3. #3
    Super Member thepolyparrot's Avatar
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    LOL! BTDT. Why is it that the little "quickie" projects want to turn into major productions?

    I'll go your bail. Can I pay the clerk in fat quarters? :)

  4. #4
    Senior Member Missysgottohelp's Avatar
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    ROTFL!!!!

  5. #5
    Senior Member Unique Creations's Avatar
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    Very funny story!! but you do realize that all of these voices are only in YOUR head!!

  6. #6
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    Not to worry, everyone on this board will contribute $1 toward your bail. You will be out in no time. You might, however, have to sit in the pokey over the holidays because we will all be busy watching our family members open the quilted gifts we worked so hard to make for them. Not to worry, you can design new quilt patterns while you are staring at the ceiling for a week.

    But the trial, well, that is gonna be ugly. Where will you find a good defense attorney who knows the difference between a 1/4 inch seam and a scant-1/4 inch seam?????

  7. #7
    Super Member Eddie's Avatar
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    Hahaha! I think I'm under a death sentence for some of the quilting things I've done! :D

  8. #8
    Senior Member trueimage's Avatar
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    haha... Sounds everything I do....

  9. #9
    Senior Member olebat's Avatar
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    I sure hope the clerk takes Fat Quarters. I really don't know. But after this, I hope you have a tall stack of 'em.

    Mmmm,, You know, maybe it won't be so bad. Don't those places have heavy duty machines? White linens, blue uniforms, black stripes, simple, but could be elegant.

  10. #10
    Power Poster cjomomma's Avatar
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    Turn the lights off, lock the door and go hide in a closet!!!!Hurry!!! Don't leave the evidence behind!!!

    I just go crazy when a little project turns into a big one.
    I hope you were laughing with your DH!!

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