1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to
immediately clear your computer history if you die.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an
argument when you realize you're wrong.
3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want
to nap when I was younger.
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted
sheet?
6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on
# 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they
told you how the person died.
9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind
of tired.
10. Bad decisions make good stories.
11. You never know when it will strike, but there
comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do
anything productive for the rest of the day.
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes
after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.
13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of
Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical
report that I swear I did not make any changes to.
14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone
just so I know not to answer when they call.
15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any
given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than
Kay.
17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto"
routing option.
18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line
between boredom and hunger.
19. How many times is it appropriate to say
"What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a
word they said?
20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire
line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay
strong, brothers and sisters!
21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants?
Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
22. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive
times and still not know what time it is.
23. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble
locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the
Tail on the Donkey -but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze
button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every
time.
24. The first testicular guard, the "Cup,"
was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only
took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.
Ladies.....Quit Laughing.