Gabrielle's Mimi

You know, some of the responses here are kind of mean-sounding. I'm in my 60s and have never asked for cash gifts, nor have my kids, but you know what, if they are trying to buy a house, why not chip in a little bit toward that? What young couple needs more candy dishes? Frankly, it's quicker and easier for me to write a check than it would be for me to make them a quilt. And I would be assured the gift would be appreciated, rather than wondering if the quilt ended up in the dog bed or Goodwill. We have to understand that times change and just because we did things a certain way in the 1950s or 1960s doesn't mean that's the ONLY way to do things. Wish them well!

Jannie

I can't believe how much money is spent on a reception these days. If they forgo the reception, they should have a good sum to put on a down payment and then they wouldn't have to ask for friends or family friends to buy a house for them. I would not give any more than I would spend on a gift.

Gerbie

You stated just what I was thinking and intended to say. Make plans for you and DH to have a fun day and dinner date on that day, and send a congratulatory card and state that you have a prior comittment. No other explanation is necessary. If it were me I would not go to an event if I did not know the family especially the Bride and groom well. I personally WOULD NOT GIVE money to someone who specifically ask for it such as in this case.
If the mother stated that the reception is going to cost thousands of dollars and the bride's parents are planning to spend that much on the event, just think how far that would go towards a new house. In my thinking if parents can afford this for a reception, then the parents can help the couple buy the new home.
I just can not get into this idea that "because it's me you need to fill my hand with your hard earned cash attitude". If money were not ask for on the invitation and you wanted to give cash that's another story.
Sorry I just do not think or like how some of this younger generation does things. Too many expect right away to have what most of the older generation or their parents worked hard for over a long number of years to obtain. Those 'silver platters" so to speak are hard to come by and take years of saving and doing without. Our younger generation needs to learn this. Too many have never been told no, or had to work for what they have. O.K. someone else can get on a soap box now!

Karen1956

Many years ago, I worked as a secretary in a very high end department store. Each week, brides would come in and register for their gifts. Expensive gifts. Sterling, crystal, fine china, expensive kitchen gadgets, the finest linens, etc. The consultant would be so excited. I never got excited because it never failed - every item on that list would come back for the cash. Honestly, it never failed. The higher the total cost of the registry, the more likely it would come back. One bride brought back a TON of gifts before the wedding saying she needed the money for her honeymoon. Well, hated to disappoint her, but we only issue checks from HQ for anything over $5000. Her registry returns were over $15k.

Another bride brought back $30,000 of gifts to our store alone. I got a call from the secretary at a competitor warning us that she was on her way. She returned over $15k to them. She brought everything she received in for cash.

Then we had the bride who had been married over 25 years and wanted to bring back her wedding china because she was getting a divorce. We just looked at her and refused the return because it was 1) over 25 years old 2) the manufacturer would not take it back and 3) it was USED and 4) she had absolutely no receipts showing it had been purchased at our store. We knew it couldn't have been because we had only been in that area for 2 years.

You might as well give money because if you give a gift, it WILL be returned for the cash. When I got married, it never entered my mind to return a gift. If I got 3 toasters, fine. I put 2 in the closet for future use. If I got 10 sets of towels, I put most of them in the cedar chest for the future.

MaryKatherine

I hate it when people ask for money. It sort of cheapens the point of a "gift". I've given an IOU for when they have their house or (whatever) .
MaryKatherine

BellaBoo

I would send a card. It's plain the invite was sent only to get money, not because they wanted you to be there. I told my DD only invite people to your wedding that you would gladly pay their expense to come. My kids weren't allowed to send graduation notices to any one but close family and friends. I get graduation notices from kids I have no idea who they are until I find out I use to know somone in their family. How tacky.

Misty's Mom

So far, $25 and a card is all we're giving. And that's just to keep peace with the neighbors. My DH always said he hated to give cash as the recipients knew how much he spent on the gift

llong0233

Ptquilts makes a good point. When was the last time you received a thank you note in the mail? Not email or text...maybe I'm wrong and I hope I am. Why do I think the happy couple won't put away all the money the get? Why do I think it will go to disposable diapers? I think it is totally disengenuous to ask for money for a house, no matter how clever the poem. I would feel a lot better it they just said they're pregnant, have few resources, and would prefer money to gifts. Done. I might be inclined to give them some money. Otherwise, not so much. You are very generous to attend the ceremony and to give them any money.

Wonnie

Can't help but think back to the 50's when we got married we needed money as well but would have never dreamed of asking for it. I remember my brother asking our aunt one time for a cookie and her answer was, "No, if I wanted to give you a cookie I would have offered it. Never ask for things." Somehow I think times may have changed but I don't think manners are ever passe.

tessagin

Ditto ptquilts! Give them a website related to manners! Naw Just kidding! Think I left a comment any way prior. Or you could say I'm so sorry, totally skipped my mind. leave it at that.