I have many of these but can't seem to remember alot of them.
My brother always say "If I was any better I would be twins!"
"He is so dumb he couldn't pour pee out of a boot if the instructions were on the heel."
"I am so hungry I could eat the a**hole out of an alligator in a phone booth.
"It's hotter than two weasels breeding in a bread sack"
"It's hotter than two rats screwing in a wool sock"
and Grandma always said "never take a lazy man's load!"