LOL - Good luck to you on your quest.
I try to 'clean up' my messes when I don't have the brain power to sew or the time to get a segment of the project going. That way when I'm ready and have time - my area is all tidied up.
Is it ready for a magazine cover - no way - but it's organized chaos enough for me. Getting it magazine ready is my goal to get done before winter sets in.
Please take a before and after picture for us. You know it'll inspire someone here!
From what I hear I don't think FEMA will be able to help ...
You may want to try VISA!