I made the corrections you mentioned Donna. Here is the body of the letter with the changes.
"Dear Dianna,
Please accept this letter of interest as my official request to be considered for the Advisory Council position of an Individual from the Public Knowledgeable about Mental Illness which will be opening up on September 30, 2010.
I have been a consumer of mental health services in Rapid City for more than four years. I was also a consumer of mental health services in California for more than 12 years. As a consumer I feel I would have much to offer the council. I am very knowledgeable of different mental illnesses and treatments for said illnesses. I am also highly knowledgeable in how to assist consumers with how to obtain services needed for their illnesses.
I have also spent a number of years working with private management firms preparing reports for various reasons. One of which was compiling reports for the federal courts in regards to property receiverships. Other reports were compiled monthly for the owners of the properties that were being managed by my employer. I have a number of skills that I feel would be an asset to the council in preparing the annual reports such as computer skills, knowledge of accounting practices and compiling data for said reports.
Thank you so much for meeting with me last week and for providing me with the information regarding this opening.
If you should have any questions or comments, please feel free to contact me via email or telephone. My telephone number is (605) 721-2967.
Sincerely,"
What do you think now?
Missy