My grandpa was FAMOUS for the sayings he would use. lol He also had no qualms about cussing in front of us kids.
He would always say....
"Uglier than a hand full of arseholes"
"feels like a young mockingbirds arse during pokeperry season"
He used to love to see me laugh and he would always say, "Dingy, you know what hell is?" I would say "No Poppy, whats hell" he would say "being in a bucket of s@#$ up to your neck and some dumb SOB throws a brick and you have to duck!" I would laugh so hard I would almost wet myself.
He use to say "slicker than greased owl S%!^" or "Balder than an apes arse".
When one of my cousins would be talking crap about what they were "going to do" to someone, he would always say "Don't let your alligator mouth overload your hummingbird arse!"
NO ONE was EVER allowed to sit on the table no matter what kind of table it was. He would always say "tables are for glasses not little arses".
Mom always told us "do for others what you can but don't expect anything in return!" I can't say NO because of this simple statement drilled in my head as a child! lol thanks mom.