I try to buy locally too. We go on road trips and have never refused to pay for something because of the local taxes. That's out of control of the person selling.
I understand shipping charges, but I do not understand a "handling" charge though on buying online. Stores don't charge a "handling" charge when they bag your items or help you find something. Some of the local quilt stores here have very nice bags for your purchases - nice enough to save and reuse as project bags.