I hear ya, Freezeframe!!! My sentiments exactly!! I've tried FMQ but I'm like you...I can only relax for a very short time and then I start to tense up and it looks like crap...LOL
So, I've decided that I'm strictly a SID (which I don't really care to do), or diagonal (which I like a lot!) or any other kind of straight line quilting.
I just finished a table runner using a Dessert Roll and needed some type of quilting other than straight lines on the blocks because they were very muted pattern shades (very pretty!) so I decided to look for a machine embroidery quilt design and just use my embroidery machine to do the work for me. I found several that I liked on a particular web site and did stitch-outs to see what I liked best. I decided on one and did each of the 7 blocks and it came out beautiful! There's no way I would have been able to do the design even if I lived 3 lifetimes...LOL. Easy peasy and I didn't have to hold my breath or tense up once :)
So that's how I "cheat" sometimes on smaller projects :)