I think you've been speaking to the wrong people - some of the groups I wanted to join were the same about me (and I'm female). After looking around, I belong to 3 different groups - they all have happily included males in the groups and I feel comfortable there as well. I think you just have to keep looking for a good spot. I have found that when people don't want to give you advice it is usually because they don't know how or they want to be superior. Either way, just move on, and I hope you don't have to search for too long.