I can understand what you are going through Melinda, the same thing happens to me. My mum died just before Xmas when I was 12 - a lot longer than 20 ago years too - and I still get depressed every early December. Xmas has never been the same since, although I did set traditions of our own after I married.
The only decorating I'll do this year (and have done for the last 15 years) is to hang the wreath on the front door - *if* I can find it. Gave DS2 and DIL all my Xmas decorations last year - all 46 years of them. I can't see the point in putting the tree etc up just for me, the cat, and budgie; and I hate taking it down and packing it all away.
Gave up making the Xmas Biscuits when it became too much for my back having to stand and cut them out.
Grandkids get gift cards, as does DS1 and his wife. DS2 has a standing order for the new Bryce Courtney Book, and DIL for the new Danielle Steel book. Sister gets a gift card, and her partner a book on American Indians. End of Xmas shopping - apart from Secret Santa shopping.
If it wasn't for DS2 and his family, and my sister, Xmas would be cancelled in this house for lack of interest.