There is much in your situation that seems familiar. I think we have all experienced these kind of hurts now and then. I know I have felt hurt the most when someone tried to "save" me from the truth. It took a lot of years but I believe my own DH has finally gotten the idea, but I had to let him hear bout it or he would still be taking that approach. It absolutely hurts the most when someone else is told but you are not. Try to remember that his friend's wife probably did not enter this on her own. I wish you peace and love.