>
> If I were ol' Santa, you know what I'd do
> I'd dump silly gifts that are given to you
> And deliver some things just inside your front door
> Things you have lost, but treasured before.
>
> I'd give you back all your maidenly vigor,
> And to go along with it, a neat tiny figure.
> Then restore the old color that once graced your hair
> Before rinses and bleaches took residence there.
>
> I'd bring back the shape with which you were gifted
> So things now suspended need not be uplifted.
> I'd draw in your tummy and smooth down your back
> Till you'd be a dream in those tight fitting slacks.
>
> I'd remove all your wrinkles and leave only one chin
> So you wouldn't spend hours rubbing grease on your skin.
> You'd never have flashes or queer dizzy spells,
> And you wouldn't hear noises like ringing of bells.
>
> No sore aching feet and no corns on your toes,
> No searching for spectacles when they're right on your nose.
> Not a shot would you take in your arm, hip or fanny,
> From a doctor who thinks you're a nervous old granny.
>
> You'd never have a headache, so no pills would you take.
> And no heating pad needed since your muscles won't ache.
> Yes, if I were Santa, you'd never look stupid,
> You'd be a cute little chick with the romance of a cupid.
>
> I'd give a lift to your heart when those wolves start to whistle,
> And the joys of your heart would be light as a thistle.
> But alas! I'm not Santa. I'm simply just me,
> The most humble of helpers you ever did see.
>
> Merry Christmas to you and a Happy New Year.
>
Rec'd this in an e-mail and thought you all would enjoy it.