David - LISTEN to your wife.
My husband got a Korg M1 synthesizer about 15 years ago. He spent every free waking moment on it. Stayed up late, got up early, etc. Became cranky with us. One night, at 2:00 AM, I heard his fingers thumping on the keyboard (a full room away), so I got out of bed and went to that room. He was engrossed in his music. I called his name. No response - couldn't hear me through the headphones. Not wanting to wake the rest of the household, I walked over and tapped him on the shoulder. He JUMPED out of his chair, and told me never to 'sneak up' on him like that again. It seems I had one of my wiser moments - turned and left the room instead of telling him what I thought...
The next day, he told me that he thought I was jealous of his Korg because I 'always' interrupted him when he was playing on it - "like last night". So I explained that, at 2 in the A.M. on a work night, when he had to get up at 6:30 A.M. to go to work, it was perfectly natural for me to wonder where he was, why he wasn't in bed, and to remind him that he had to work the next day. And that all the 'interruptions' were normal communications between husband and wife - if he was no longer interested in the relationship we could arrange something more to his liking.
He listened and we got through that obsession. So listen to your wife and make time for her. Your relationship with her is the most important relationship in your lives. She's right - all nighters are obsessive. As JulieR says, find the balance. Put yourself on a schedule, and make sure you always make time for wife and family. You'll both be happier.