Big hugs to you, I know it is tough, I'm so thankful for pictures etc, they give us such wonderful memories to cherish. You sound like someone with a lot of love to give. When you're ready and if it is something you want to do; there is a great new friend waiting for someone to love at a shelter or rescue group near you. We rescued 2 mixed breeds from a certified Beagle & Rat Terrier breeder - he was going to put them down because as a certified breeder he couldn't sell them [okay don't want to go down that road, breathe-step away from the anger...] anyway Remy our boy is deaf and Sadie our girl is his "service dog". She also thinks that means she gets to call all the shots, and most of the time Remy lets her. They have brought us so much comfort and joy. They couldn't replace our fur babies we've loved and lost, but they've been really good about finding their own place in our hearts and lives. But right now, quilt away it does a heart good!