You know it's time for a diet when:
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You dive into a swimming pool so your friends can go surfing.
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You have to apply your makeup with a paint roller.
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Weight Watchers demands your resignation.
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You step on a pennyweight scale that gives you your fortune and it says,
"One at a time please!"
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Your face is so full that you look like you're wearing horn-rimmed
contact lenses.
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The bus driver asks you to sit on the other side because he wants to
make a turn without flipping over.
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You're at school in the classroom and turn around and erase the entire
blackboard.
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They throw puffed rice at your wedding.
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You hiccup in your bathing suit, and it looks like someone adjusting a
venetian blind.
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You fall down and try to get up, and in the process rock yourself to
sleep.