they borrow money , they do not help me with finances.from me! pay back is a long time waiting.
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After reading all the comments here, I suspect this is the most real and dominant thing..they borrow money, and don't pay it back easily. Do you think they believe that they earned it by taking care of you when you were in need? And resent anything they have to pay back and resent you spending money on YOU?
Since SIL was a nurse, there should be lots of helpful organizations near her that she could latch on to should she want. She is a highly educated person and should know where these things are and how to get on their lists.
But still counts on YOU, who live far away, to come and take care of HER? I have no idea of how far apart you live, but you obviously have to drive quite a ways to get there.
Have you sat down in a comfy chair with your own couch quilt over you and actually think of how this situation came about? And how much do you actually owe them?
Take care of yourself, you need your own health and mental health. I don't know if you are with a DH now or are alone, but do take care of you.
My Grandma used to say that people will walk all over you if you lie down and let them.