I haven't haven't hand-quilted in years, but I learned just the other day on this board that I probably had the fabric pulled too tight in the hoop - I thought should be taut like you do for embroidery, but apparently, that's not the way to go. It has to be loose enough to allow the quilt to move.
But, you don't have to use a hoop, if you like it better without.
I was watching some online quilting show and - I think it might have been Alex Anderson - or maybe Jinny Beyer? Anyway, someone advised not to worry about stitch size to begin with. They said to concentrate on consistent stitches and on the hand movements, and that with practice, the tiny stitch sizes would develop. I thought that might be a useful bit of advice, so I kept it. Unfortunately, I didn't put the speaker's name into the same memory bank. ;)
Hang in there - I'll bet with some practice, you're going to be much happier with how your stitches look. And don't be too critical, either. We're always so hard on ourselves. :)